


Rest Stop I thru VI

by thebasement_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-06-03
Updated: 2002-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-20 15:11:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 29,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11338017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebasement_archivist/pseuds/thebasement_archivist
Summary: After the events of "Existence", things happen. To Mulder, of course. 'Cause it's all about Mulder, after all. Or is it? Mwahaha.





	Rest Stop I thru VI

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

Rest Stop I thru VI

## Rest Stop I thru VI

#### by Starfish

Rest Stop  
by Starfish  
  
http://www.mrks.org/~starfish/xfst.html Summary: After the events of "Existence", things happen. To Mulder, of course. 'Cause it's all about Mulder, after all. Or is it? Mwahaha... 

Spoilers: Yes, for Season Eight; and if you didn't know Alex lost an arm in Tunguska, let me be the first to tell you. 

Rating: R for a little bad language. Boys will be boys... This is pre-slash stuff; don't worry, it gets better. 

Disclaimer: CC's mean to them. I'm much nicer with my toys...and I make no money from their pain. 

Notes: I'm following canon up until the very last moment of "Existence". (Hey, it was like a challenge!) This is set about three months later. Thanks to my way cool beta, Wildy. Hi, hon! 

Nominated for a Lisa e Krysa award. 

* * *

Connecticut  
Friday, August 15  
8:45 p.m. 

Scully pulled the rental car off the road with a squeal of the brakes. 

"Get out of the car, Mulder." 

"What are you talking about? Scully, you can't just throw me out here. We're probably ten miles from anywhere." 

"There was a rest stop about three miles back. You can make it, it's not that far. This is Connecticut, Mulder, not Darkest Africa." 

"But why?" 

"Oh, Mulder, stop whining, will you? Quite frankly, it's been eight years of this shit, and I just can't take it anymore. I have a LIFE now, Mulder. I let you come along on this case unofficially, because you couldn't stop talking about how bored you were. But I'm sorry, Mulder, this last case was not an X-File. We have photographic proof, from our own cameras no less, that the reported 'poltergeist' activity was caused by the 12-year old daughter. Why can't you just let it go? But oh nooo, not 'Spooky' Mulder. There always has to be some kind of conspiracy. Well, not for me, thanks. No more. You can find your own way back to DC, and I'm going to ask to be reassigned somewhere sane. Now get out of the car or I'll shoot you again." 

"Sculllyyyy..." 

"And for the LAST time, my name is DANA!" 

"But -- " 

Slam. 

Mulder watched in amazement as the rental car sped away. Shit -- his overnight bag was still in the backseat. At least he had his wallet and keys. And his cell phone. He pulled out this last item on the list of his current assets and hit speed-dial #1. It rang 5 times before it was answered. 

"What?" 

"Scu-- Dana, could you please get my overnight bag out of the back before you turn the car in at the airport?" 

"Sure. Fine. Whatever." 

"Thanks, listen, I'm s--" Click. "Dammit." 

//Nothing to do but start walking. Jesus, three miles in the dark along a deserted road. My life is a movie script. All I need now is for a car to stop, and -- 

//Unbelievable. I see headlights. Let's see, it's either a beautiful stranger, or an incredibly creepy psychopathic killer. At least I still have my gun.// 

A black Saturn convertible pulled up alongside Mulder, and the window rolled down. "Need a lift?" 

The voice was unmistakable. "Krycek?" // Oh my god, I was half right. It's a beautiful psychopathic killer!// "We have to stop meeting like this." 

"Mulder, what the hell are you doing? I know the car didn't break down, it's still moving. Did you get car-jacked? Where's Scully?" 

"Scully kicked me out of the car and evidently her life; and what do you mean 'the car's still moving'? Is there a bug on the car? Are you stalking us now?" 

Krycek sighed. "Just you, really. Get in." 

//Just when I thought the night couldn't get any weirder...// Mulder got into the passenger seat. 

"Okay, Krycek, spill it. What the hell are you doing here?" 

"Actually, Mulder, you were right. Well, 'stalking' is kind of a needy, pathetic word. Let's call it...'tailing you'. That's a little more dignified. You don't seemed terribly surprised to see me alive. Wasn't my death scene convincing enough for you?" 

"Yeah, right up until the point where you started speaking in tongues. What the fuck was up with that, anyway? Trying to get Skinner to kill me? 'Save 1000 lives'? I knew it had to be either a replicant or you had totally lost your mind. And since I AM a psychologist, I figured I would have noticed you losing your mind, so...I wasn't too surprised when I heard that the body disappeared. So what's next? Where are you taking me?" 

"Mulder, I'm not kidnapping you. I'll get you to the airport, and you can go back to DC." 

"Why?" 

"Because you live there?" 

"Why aren't you kidnapping me? Don't you think I'd make a good hostage?" 

Krycek looked over to make sure it was a joke. "Mulder, you would be the worst hostage I could ever think of. You're not with the Bureau anymore, and you just told me Scully's pissed at you. Who'd pay to get you back? Besides which, you're a sarcastic pain in the ass who never shuts up, and I don't have any duct tape on me right now." 

"Jesus. I think I'm gonna cry." 

"Sorry." 

"No, really. You're the second person in the last half hour to tell me I what a shit I am, so I have to think maybe you're both right." 

"Scully told you that?" 

"She said I was whiny." 

"Wow. That's pretty harsh, for her." 

"Yeah." 

They rode in silence for a few miles. Mulder was wrestling with words he needed to say, trying to make them come out the way he intended them. This could be his only chance to say some things he'd been brooding about for a long time. Finally, he thought he had it. 

"Hey, Alex?" 

"Oh, and another thing -- what's up with you using my name all of a sudden?" 

"It seemed appropriate for the tone of the conversation I was trying to start. Part of the new, improved back-from-the-dead me." 

"So is there some twelve-step-plan you're following? Or was this Chapter One in the 'Handbook for the Recently Deceased'? 

That comment earned him a glare from Mulder. "If you're quite finished?" 

"Sorry, go on. Please. It's -- a nice change." 

"Okay, well, I ... I never told you I was sorry. About your arm. About dragging you to Russia and leaving you there. And I am. It was an insane thing to do, and I shouldn't have involved you in it." 

"Mulder -- hey, can I call you 'Fox' now?" 

"Don't push it." 

"Mulder, I involved you in that whole thing. I knew where the trail would lead. I also knew you'd need a translator. But my 'cooperation' wasn't going over too well, so I figured I'd lead from behind for a while. You're really very easy to manipulate, my friend. The night on Skinner's balcony wasn't too pleasant, but any morning I wake up without an alien inside my head is a good one, so..." 

"What are you saying? You planned the whole thing?" 

"Well, not the painful parts, but yeah, I needed to get to Russia, and you were the way." 

"Dammit, now I'm mad at you again!" 

"Sorry!" 

They looked at each other and burst out laughing. It lasted for a few miles, and slowly became a comfortable silence. Mulder was the first to break it. 

"So what's next for you? I imagine 'tailing' me will get boring after a while, since I'm still out of a job, and now I've lost any connections I had to the X-Files. I'll probably just sit home and become one with the couch. Jesus, I'm pathetic..." 

"So why don't you come with me? I have to lay low for a while. Part of the whole Alex-Krycek-is-dead scenario...It could be fun." 

"Are you serious? Do you really think we could spend time together without --" 

"Killing each other? I'm willing to try, Mulder. After all, we we're doing pretty well back there in DC, before it all went to hell." 

"So -- that reminds me, I was meaning to ask: when was it you?" 

"And not the replicant? Most of it was me. Some of what I did was not my idea, but it was me right up until the garage. After I left Skinner at the hospital, I got out of the way. I knew they had a replicant they made from my clone, and I figured they weren't going to wait much longer to use it. So I did what I do best and disappeared before they got impatient and disappeared me themselves. That's a much more permanent condition." 

As usual, Mulder picked out one thing and worried at it like a bulldog. "Clone? There's more than one of you?" 

"Mulder, they could clone every third person in America -- you know they have the DNA samples and the technology. Why would you think it hadn't been done? But it's not really perfected yet, so they only use it when they can't replicate the original. The cloned replicants are usually not terribly ...stable. They can be taught to imitate their originals, but the brain just doesn't work quite the same, for some reason. And they don't regenerate, either. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. I know damn well if they could have replaced me a long time ago, they would have. You too, for that matter. If they ever do get it right, we're all up that familiar creek." 

"Why clone and then replicate? I don't understand." 

"The replicating process doesn't work on anyone who's had contact with Black Oil. That's why you're alive right now." 

"Is that why you were still on the inside? To keep an eye on the cloning project?" 

"One of the reasons. There are others we can go into later, if you want. Right now, it's almost 9 and I haven't eaten since breakfast. There's a diner up ahead. Do you mind?" 

"Can I still pick your brain while you eat? This is the first time we've had a chance to do this, and I'm not letting it go." 

Alex sighed. "I noticed....Yeah, we can talk more while we eat." 

Alex parked the car outside the diner and the two men went in. The place was deserted at that time of night, and they took two seats at the counter. The waitress, whose nametag proudly proclaimed her to be "Dottie," came over to them with menus. 

"Good evening, gentlemen. Can I get you some coffee?" 

Alex gave her a grateful smile. "That'd be great, thanks. What do you recommend for dinner?" 

She considered his question seriously for a moment. "Well, hon, the meatloaf's pretty good tonight." 

"Sounds good. With fries, please. Is there gravy?" 

"Wouldn't serve it any other way!" She turned to Mulder. "How 'bout you, sweetie?" 

He blinked. "F-- fine. Sure, meatloaf sounds great. Thank you." 

She moved away to get their coffee, and quickly returned with two mugs and a thermal carafe, along with a small pitcher of cream. "Need anything else? I'll just go get your food. I'm all alone here tonight, Susie's boy got sick at the last minute, and I couldn't get ahold of Carl. Well, I'll be back in a jif with your food. You need me, just holler." 

As she bustled into the back, Mulder started to laugh. "Did -- did she just call me 'sweetie'? Or am I having another one of those episodes that land me in restraints in a hospital bed? 

"No, she called you 'sweetie' all right. Guess you're lucky Carl wasn't here. No telling what he might have called you!" 

With that, both men began to laugh uncontrollably. When Dottie returned with their food, they were wiping their eyes, trying to calm down. 

"You boys all right?" 

Mulder recovered enough to speak. "Yeah, Dottie, we're fine. The food looks great. C'mon, Alex, get up off the floor and eat. There's graaaavyyyy..." 

They ate their dinner and talked, each surprised to find how easy it was between them. They soon found themselves falling into a semblance of the banter they had last used when Alex was Mulder's shadow at the Bureau. 

"So how's the little Sculder doin'? Has he said his first words yet?" 

"He's fine, I guess. I hardly see him since they moved in with Skinner. God, that's so weird. I can't believe I never saw that coming. Talk about extreme possibilities!" 

"So you're not -- you and she never -- sorry, that's a really personal question. Possibly more information than I need." 

"No, hey, my life's an open book! Scully and I never...it just wasn't ever the right time. We talked about it once or twice, but...I do love her, and I know she loves me...but sex would have complicated things between us. I was incredibly happy that she asked me to be the father of her child, but that's as far as it went." 

"Ah. Are you gonna finish your pie?" 

"Yes, hands off, Skippy." 

"Just asking. I'm going to use the facilities, and then we can get back on the road. It's only about another hour to the airport, we can pick up your bag and you can decide what to do next." 

"Sounds good. I'll settle up with Dottie." 

"Don't think because you bought me dinner that I'm gonna put out, Mulder. Not on a first date, anyway." 

"I'll bear that in mind." 

Mulder looked around for the waitress. He spotted her through the little window in the kitchen door, and hopped off the stool to go get her. It was beneath his dignity to 'holler' for anyone. As he walked around the counter to the kitchen door, the main doors opened with a bang and three large men sauntered in. Dressed in leather, they were the ultimate stereotypical bad-ass bikers. 

This might be very bad, Mulder thought briefly. He was armed, but three against one was not good, even with the counter between them. He decided to try simple courtesy, on the off-chance that they just looked like sociopaths. 

"Hi --" was as far as he got. 

"Hey, boy, get us some coffee and a menu. We ain't got all night." 

"I'll just get the waitress for you, she's right in the kitchen." He poked his head in through the swinging door. "Dottie? Customers!" 

//If I act like they don't scare me I should be fine. Just be polite, nothing to it. I've certainly faced worse than this. Damn, they're big. Where the hell is Alex?// 

Dottie came through the door and got a look at her new customers. Mulder's fears were confirmed when she said, "Oh, no. No. You're not allowed in here anymore, Ace. Remember what Carl told you last time? 

"Carl ain't here, Dottie. C'mon, alls we want is some dinner. We won't make no trouble. Will we, boys?" 

The 'boys' grinned ferally. 

"So you just stay away from the phone and get us fed, doll." 

Mulder could see that Dottie didn't like having the men in the place. He slowly moved away, but one of Ace's sidekicks noticed. 

"Hey, pretty boy, where you goin'? Don't let us run you off. C'mon over here and sit down. We don't bite. Much." 

The others laughed uproariously at this display of wit. Mulder reluctantly walked over to the counter and sat around the corner from the three men. Alex was taking way too long to come out of the bathroom. //He must have realized something's up.// thought Mulder. //Any minute he'll be in to back me up and then we can get rid of these guys. I wonder if he has any handcuffs. Probably not. Maybe I can talk to them, get them thinking friendly thoughts.// 

Just then he noticed the tallest of the men was looking at him with a certain gleam in his eye. "Hey, boy, what's your name? They call me 'Stick'. You remind me of someone I used to know. Seems a shame for you to be all alone. How'd you like some comp'ny?" 

//Shit. It's about to get very ugly. I don't really want to be this guy's new boyfriend. For one thing, I can smell his breath from here. Alex, where the fuck did you go?// 

As if in answer to Mulder's thoughts, the door burst open for the second time that night. 

Alex Krycek staggered into the diner. His hair was mussed, and there was the distinct smell of beer about him. He looked around bemusedly, and wandered over to the counter where the others were. " 'Zis a private party, or can anybody join? Hee hee. Hey, man izzat your bike out there? I'm real sorry about that. I don't think the dents'll show too bad, though. Prolly just bang 'em out with a hammer or sumpin'." 

The three men rose and rushed to the door. Mulder grabbed the handcuffs off his belt; quickly using them to restrain the first two wrists he could grab. Then he drew his gun and shoved into the nearest ear. 

Krycek was meanwhile engaged in pulling Ace's arm up behind his back and twisting the fingers on the biker's hand. "Don't even think about moving, asshole. Hey, partner, I assume you still have a weapon? Ah, I see you've already thought of that. That's what I like about you. Always prepared. Gentlemen, let's move back inside, shall we?" 

They manhandled the bikers into a booth and checked them for weapons. Even Alex looked surprised at the variety of firearms and other implements of destruction piled on the table when they were done. 

"Dottie, are there any actual charges or warrants pending against these idiots?" 

"No, they just been warned to stay out of here after they tore it up last time. Carl didn't want to get the cops involved, but one of the customers called them." 

"Maybe you could call Carl? We'll entertain these nice folks while you do that." 

Pushing Ace down onto the floor, Krycek knelt on the arm he was still forcing up between the big man's shoulder blades and brought a roll of duct tape out of his pocket. "Look, I found some after all! Lucky for me, huh?" Ignoring the obscenities spewing from the mouths of their would-be attackers, Mulder and Krycek quickly taped the men's hands and feet together, before seating them back in their booth. 

Dottie came back from the phone. "I finally found him at his sister's house. He said to call the cops this time, so I did. They should be here any minute." 

"Good. We're not going to stick around for that. My friend here has to catch a plane, and I'm allergic to law enforcement types. Dottie, it's been a pleasure. Next time we're passing through, we'll be sure to stop in and see you. C'mon, Sundance, let's saddle up 'n' ride." 

Mulder had the presence of mind to throw a twenty on the counter to pay for their meal before running to catch up with Krycek. They leapt into the car and Alex peeled out of the parking lot as if pursued by all the hounds of hell. 

Reaction was beginning to set in, and after about ten minutes, Mulder began to shake. He tried to keep it low key, but nothing ever got past Alex. He pulled the car off the road and turned off the engine. "You okay?" 

"No...yeah...I don't know. I almost got raped back there!" 

"Mulder, you were never in any danger of that. If that asshole had even so much as touched you, I would have shot all three of them. But I didn't want to do that if it wasn't necessary. I know how much you hate it when I kill people." 

"Yeah, well, what took you so long?" 

"I was trying to decide on a plan. The first two I came up with required some cooperation and acting ability on your part, and I wasn't sure if you would pick up on what was going on quickly enough. So I went with Steve, the drunken frat boy." 

Mulder was feeling a bit calmer now. He should have known Alex would have all the angles figured before commiting to a plan of action. "Just out of curiousity, what were the other two choices?" 

"Well, we have the frightened cripple; that works real well to get them off guard, but I usually end up having to maim somebody to get out of it. Plus it has the added bonus of giving me nightmares for about a week....The other one you really wouldn't have liked." 

"And it was...?" 

"I was gonna play dom and turn you out." 

Mulder squeaked. "And how would that have helped?" 

Alex grinned. "Phase two involved them fighting over who got to be first." He started the engine again and pulled back out onto the road. 

"Yeah, that might have freaked me out a little. Thanks for choosing Steve. You're really good at this, aren't you?" 

"What, staying alive and mostly out of trouble? Yeah, Mulder I am. It's what I do." 

"Don't think I didn't notice you playing the sub for Doggett, too. That thing with the eyelashes is genius. You almost had me believing it." 

"I was hoping you wouldn't bust a gut laughing." 

//More like I couldn't keep my -- nevermind.// "So Alex, all these roles you play...it begs the question, who is the real you? Have I ever met him?" 

"Mulder, you just ate dinner with the real me. You're talking to me right now. There is nobody in this world who knows me better than you do. I stopped playing games with you a while ago. You just never noticed." 

"When was the last time you lied to me?" 

The answer came back too promptly to be anything but the truth. "Hong Kong. But that was to save both our asses -- you would have shot me and gotten yourself arrested. And prisons in Hong Kong are very bad, trust me." 

"I do." And suddenly, he did. He really did. // Weird.// 

"So how far is it to the airport, an hour?" 

"Something like that. You want to put on some music?" 

"Desert Island!" 

Even for Mulder, that was an abrupt transition. "What?" 

"Let's play the Desert Island game." 

"Can you please speak English for a minute?" 

"I can't believe you've never done this. It's a kind of getting-to-know-you exercise. We had to do it once at this stupid seminar Skinner made us go to. If you were stranded on a desert island with only one...whatever...what would you choose?" 

" 'Whatever'?" 

"For example, what one CD would you want?" 

"Do I get a stereo system too?" 

"That's assumed." 

"The Beatles' White Album." 

"Really? That's mine, too." 

"Must be true love...do I ask you one now?" 

"Go for it." 

"Movie?" 

"Plan 9 from Outer Space." 

"Are you serious? That piece of crap? I knew you owned it, but I didn't think you watched it!" 

"Okay, Ebert, what's your's?" 

"Don't laugh." 

"Hey, you brought up the category." 

"Really. If you laugh I'll have to shoot you. Okay...theprincessbride." 

Mulder bit back a snicker. "Alex, that is such a chick-flick." 

Alex tried to defend his choice. "It's got everything! Action, adventure, romance, and some really great lines. 'My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.' " He stopped. //Oh, shit. You had to go and bring that up, didn't you. Nice move, Alex. And we were doing so well, too.// He peeked sideways at Mulder, who was looking thoughtful. "Sorry." 

They drove in silence for a few minutes. He was just about to stop the car again when Mulder finally spoke. "Alex, this is stupid. We've got to lay it to rest. I don't want us to go through the rest of our lives with this hanging over us. So here goes...my father knew that he was involved with the kind of people who would hire other people to shoot him. He knew what he was doing when he called me that night. You may have pulled the trigger, but we both know he was dead before he hung up the phone. The fact that it was you probably gave that bastard Spender a nice little thrill. I know that what you did, you did because you felt you had to. After recent events, I really have to believe that. 

"I don't want to be mad at you about it anymore. I think we could be friends now, if we tried to get past the last seven years. Do you want to try?" 

"Jesus, Mulder, is that a trick question? Do I want you to keep treating me like a real person instead of a 'invertebrate scum-sucker' ? Let me think about that for all of two seconds, okay?" 

"Sarcasm is so unattractive, Alex. So, my turn?" 

"Uh, I guess. ." //This just keeps getting weirder.// "Go ahead." 

"Okay...food?" 

"One thing or an ethnic group?" 

"Hmmm...I think I'll give you a whole restaurant. I'm feeling generous." 

"This is a very strange game. But I pick Famous Luigi's." 

"Mmmm. Have you ever had their calamari pizza?" 

"Eeeew. No. Squid? Ick. What's your's?" 

"Any Chinese place, I'm not picky." 

"No kidding. My turn...um um um...is a person allowed?" 

"Living or dead?" 

"Mulder, only you would want to be on a desert island with a dead person." 

"Not a corpse; I meant does it have to be someone currently alive, or can I pick a historical figure. Jeez, I'm not that sick, am I?" 

"No comment. And I'm going with 'currently alive.' So?" 

"You." 

"What?" Alex was clearly shocked. 

So was Mulder, for that matter. //I've played this game with Scully before, you know. I thought I knew all my answers, sure, maybe once in a while a little surprise creeps in, but this... // Mulder had to say it out loud. "If I was on a desert island and only one other person could be there, I think I would want it to be you. Okay?" 

"Why?" 

"Does there need to be a reason?" 

"Yeah, I think there does." 

"Well, I don't have one. I didn't even realize I was going to say that until it was out. So you'll have to wait for a reason. I'm going to turn on the radio." 

They drove the rest of the way to the airport without conversation, each lost in his own thoughts. Mulder picked up his overnight bag from the car rental office where Scully had left it, and opened it to find a note inside. 

//Call me tomorrow. I'm sorry. D.// 

He showed it to Krycek, who nodded. 

"So what now?" 

"Are you up for a little road trip, Mulder? There's somewhere I need to go. It's not too far from here. We could grab a few hours rest and be on the road early tomorrow morning." 

"Okay by me. Do you want me to ask about a cheap motel?" 

"Actually, I was going to sleep in the car, but if you want to get a room we can." 

"Fine by me. I'll go ask at the rental place." He trotted back inside, and quickly returned. "There's a place about two miles away. The guy gave me a map -- here." 

They found the motel easily. Mulder checked them in and they found their room. 

"Sorry about having to share, but I don't think the Bureau will reimburse me for this." 

"Hey, don't worry about it. Dibs on the shower first!" 

"Fine. I'm going to pick which bed I want. You get the lumpy mattress." 

"Have you no shame?" 

"None at all. Hurry up in the bathroom, I want to take a shower too." 

"Give me fifteen minutes." 

Alex was as good as his word, emerging from the bathroom in fifteen minutes, wearing shorts and a t-shirt, and carrying his clothes and prosthesis. It was the first time Mulder had seen him without it, and he tried not to stare at the remains of Alex's left arm peeping out from the sleeve of his shirt. //Of course he doesn't sleep in it. It can't be very comfortable. I wonder if it hurts?// He looked closer then, noticing Alex was moving his shoulders and head in a way that bespoke tension in the muscles there. 

"Are you okay? You did all the driving tonight, your back must be killing you." 

Alex looked at him strangely. "I'm fine, Mulder. Go take your shower. I'm going to sleep." 

"Okay. Sweet dreams, Alex." 

That earned him another strange look, followed by a shy smile. "You too, Mulder. G'night." 

Mulder hurried through his shower and came out of the bathroom to find the room lit by a single lamp between the beds. Alex was curled up on one looking for all the world like a ten-year-old. His eyes snapped open as Mulder moved to his own bed. Satisfied that there was no threat to his safety, he closed them again, only to hear Mulder say, "Alex?" 

Sigh. "What, Mulder? Do you want a bedtime story now?" 

"Yeah, Daddy; tell me what happened to Spender." 

"Can't this wait for tomorrow?" 

"Evidently not. Did you kill him?" 

"Mulder, I'm not going to confess to a capital crime in your presence. Can we please just say he fell down some stairs?" 

"Did he?" 

Sigh. "Yes. He did. I was there." 

"Good. I'm glad it was you. If it couldn't be me, I'm glad it was you." 

"This may be the oddest conversation we've ever had." 

"Yeah, I get that a lot. Can I ask you one more?" 

Sigh. "It was...a Russian thing, Mulder. Okay?" 

"What?" 

//Shit// "Never mind. What's your question?" 

"Did you bring Scully back?" 

"Yeah. I -- I couldn't get to her in time to -- I didn't know they -- fuck." Alex took a deep breath. "It took me a while to find her. I couldn't let them know I was interested, or they would've -- anyway, as soon as I knew where they were holding her, I got her out. I'm sorry it wasn't sooner. I was just an errand boy in those days, Mulder." 

" 'S'okay. I knew it was you. Well, not then. But later, when I thought about who it might have been, your face kept popping into my head. Weird, huh?" 

"Mmmm" 

"Alex?" 

"Oh, God, Mulder. Do I have to really shoot you in order to get some sleep?" 

"Why were you tailing us? Are we still in danger?" 

"Mulder, you attract trouble like no one else I know. I figured a little back-up wasn't out of line. I don't think Scully could've handled those bikers. She's tough, but not that tough. Don't tell her I said that, though." 

"If she ever speaks to me again, I promise I won't tell her you don't think she could take three bikers." 

"Thanks. Now, goodnight, Mulder." 

"Night, Alex." 

* * *

* * *

Homecoming  
by Starfish  
  
http://www.mrks.org/~starfish/xfst.html Rating: R for a little bad language and some lustful thoughts. Woo hoo! 

Disclaimer: CC's mean to them. I'm much nicer with my toys...and I make no money off their pain. 

Notes: Thanks to my way cool beta, Wildy. Hi, hon! This is the promised (threatened?) sequel to "Rest Stop", and another warning: it's a Mary Sue. 

* * *

Saturday 

Mulder woke slowly. He thought the car had stopped, and from the quality of the light it looked to be about eight a.m. A swift glance out of the window confirmed the fact that they had stopped, evidently for gas. Krycek was just coming back to the car from the cashier's window, looking very relaxed. 

"Krycek, where the hell are we?" 

" Good morning, sleepyhead. I can't believe how you can just fall asleep in the car like that. We're in Massachusetts. The Berkshires, a little town called Dalton, to be exact." 

"Why?" 

"You are incredibly surly without your coffee, aren't you? Can you wait ten minutes for homemade, or do you want some from the Juice 'n' Java across the street?" 

Mulder considered the question. As usual, he answered with one of his own. "Whose home?" 

"An old friend. She's probably awake by now. I just hope her husband's out of town." At Mulder's raised eyebrows, Krycek shrugged. "Luke doesn't like me very much. I make him nervous." 

"Lot of that going around," muttered Mulder. Alex raised an eyebrow of his own. 

"I rescued you. Twice just yesterday. What's a guy gotta do, Mulder?" 

"Sorry. Old habits...let's go see your friend." 

They drove off down the main street of what looked to Mulder to be an exceptionally pretty town. Wide lawns in front of homes, a couple of banks, three large churches and a smaller one. A large reddish stone building that seemed to house the town offices, public library, police station, and historical museum stood on the corner where they stopped for a red light. 

Krycek indicated it with a jerk of his chin as the light turned. "I spent a lot of time there when I was growing up." 

"The police station?" 

"No, the library, in fact. Jeez, thanks. I wasn't always a thug, Mulder." 

"Sorry, I just ...shit. I really am sorry. That was...completely uncalled for. No more cheap shots, okay, Alex? I promise. Tell me about growing up here. Looks like a nice place." 

"Yeah, it was. We lived about two blocks from here. My dad took off when I was five, so when my mom went to work at the paper mill, she had to find somebody to take care of me. No daycare in those days, right? So you had to trust your child to a stranger, without knowing how it would turn out. We got lucky, I guess. She found the perfect place for me, with a really nice lady who had a daughter of her own. 

"After the first few days, I called her 'Aunt Cathy'. I remember a little bit about the safe feeling I used to get when Mom left me there. And the feeling of having a friend." 

"Is this the friend we're going to visit?" 

"Yeah. She's almost exactly a year younger than me. Her birthday's the day before mine. That first summer -- it's like a dream now, y'know? Like some mythical place in my head. Aunt Cathy worked part time at the library, two afternoons a week, and she didn't mind if we went along, as long as we remembered to be quiet. We had no problem keeping quiet, surrounded by all those books. In fact, most days it took a crowbar to pry us away. Debbie is still the only person I've met who loves to read as much as I do. I remember how jealous she was when I went off to first grade without her. When I got to the house after that first scary day, she wouldn't rest until I had told her all about it. We played school until my mom picked me up." 

"You were reading on your own at five?" 

"I was two grade levels ahead of my age until I got to fifth grade. Then they realized how much extra work it would be for the teachers to keep me going at that pace, so they made me repeat all the stuff I had already learned. That was the first time the system failed me." He stopped talking and concentrated on finding a new station on the radio. 

Mulder realised he'd been staring at Alex, and looked around. He noticed they were in a small city now. "Are we still in Dalton?" 

"No, this is Pittsfield. She moved here after they got married. Property values here were more within their budget. I offered to help, but there was no way Luke would take my money, so...anyway, here we are." He turned onto a side street. One side had multi-family homes with a Saab dealership incongruously in the middle. The right side of the street was all single-family dwellings. Alex turned into the second driveway on the right and parked behind a green Taurus station wagon with a huge alien-head sticker on the rear side window. "We're good here. Luke's car's not in the driveway. Come on." 

They got out of the convertible, Mulder feeling slow and stiff after sleeping for two hours in one position. Alex walked up onto the porch like he owned the place and tried the doorknob. "Locked. 'S okay, there's a key." He slid up the screen of the window that flanked the door and fished around for a second. "Damn, I bet Chaz forgot to put it back again -- no, there it is." He unlocked the door and replaced the key in its hiding place. 

Mulder felt like he was in the Twilight Zone. "Are you sure you should do that? Is she expecting us?" 

"Don't worry about it. It's cool; I do this a lot. Oh, and don't mind the dog. He sometimes barks at people, but you shouldn't take it personally." The door was opened, and Mulder followed Alex in. His first impression was of books, an overflowing set of shelves to the left of the door in the front hallway. Mostly science fiction, he saw. Heinlein, Bradbury, some of the older Star Trek novelizations; mixed with a few Dick Francis mysteries and some Stephen King for variety. Alex had stopped in the middle of the room and cocked his head, listening. 

"The shower's running. I guess she's up. Let's go see about coffee." 

They went around the corner into a dark and cluttered dining room, through to an equally cluttered kitchen. Another overflowing bookshelf held cookbooks of every size and description. Alex rooted around in a cupboard, found a coffeemaker and began to set it up on the counter. "Mulder, check the fridge for coffee, would you? Should be in one of those clear deli containers." 

"There's two." 

"Are they labeled?" 

"One says 'fine'." 

"Grab the other one. Thanks." 

Mulder heard the water stop upstairs. He was a bit nervous about being in a stranger's house, especially when said stranger's husband was: a) out of town, and b) not fond of Alex. He decided to voice his concerns. "Alex, should you let her know we're here? Is she likely to be armed?" 

Alex snickered. "No, I don't think you have to worry about that. Luke wouldn't allow a gun in this house. That's one of the things he hates about me. But I'll let her know she has company." He walked to the foot of the stairs. "Loooocy! I'm hoooome!" 

It was Mulder's turn to snicker. "Who are you?" he asked. 

A voice came from the top of the stairs just then. "Alex? Is that you? Oh, my God! I'll be right down, just let me get dressed. Make coffee, okay?" 

"Already did." 

"Uh oh, watch out, Spike heard your voice. Here he comes!" 

A medium-sized black and white dog came barreling down the stairs and jumped at Alex, pushing his nose into personal places in that way that only dogs understand. "Hey, Spike! You wanna go out? Come on, let's go." Alex looked at Mulder. "Stay." 

"Very funny." 

"I'll be right back. He's gotta go out in the yard. Living room's in there, have a seat." 

Mulder wandered into the living room and sat on the cream-colored leather couch. He looked at the large collection of videos beside the television -- again, mostly sci-fi, with some Marx Brothers and Hitchcock thrown in. The place was almost as messy as his own apartment, and it felt comfortable. He picked up the remote off the coffee table and turned on the television, scanning the channels until he found CNN. //Not that they'll actually tell us if the aliens decide it's the right time, but I can pretend, I suppose.// He flipped past a few infomercials and then heard footsteps on the stairs. 

Gee, this was awkward. Alex was nowhere to be found, and here he was, sitting on some stranger's couch, waiting for her coffeemaker to finish perking and watching her t.v. Well, if she'd been friends with Alex Krycek for as long as he said, she must have learned to expect the unexpected by now. Mulder turned off the t.v. and stood up. The footsteps resolved into a petite, dark-haired woman with hazel eyes almost the color of Mulder's own. She looked at him with some confusion and said, "Did you get some radical plastic surgery this time?" 

"What?" Oh, God, a lunatic. Just what he needed. But at the sound of his voice, her frown lifted. 

"Sorry, I thought you were Alex. Is he out with the dog?" 

"Uh, yeah. Listen, I'm sorry for intruding like this, Alex said you wouldn't mind --" 

"And I don't. Alex knows I'd kick his ass if he was in town and didn't stop by. I'm Debbie. Welcome to Casa de Baker. Sound's like the coffee's done. Come on." 

Mulder noticed she had carefully refrained from asking his name. He followed her into the kitchen, where she was loading up a large tray with mugs, creamer, and a bakery box. "Grab the coffeepot, would you? We can eat on the deck." She led the way through a room filled with more records, tapes and CD's than Mulder had ever seen outside of a music store. "This is my husband's practice room. He's out of town on a gig." 

They went out to a large deck where Alex was sitting on a bench that ran along the railing. He looked up from his study of the hole the dog was digging, and smiled. "Hey, Deb, it's good to see you." She put down the tray on the table and stood with an expectant look. 

"Do I get a hug, or are you too good for that now?" 

He replied in a teasing tone. "And give the neighbors a show? What about your reputation?" 

"The neighbors speak about two words of English, Alex. We can't even figure out where they're from. And my reputation can only get better." She took the three steps over to him as he stood up, and hugged him hard. "Jesus, Alex, I thought you were gone for good this time." Her voice was muffled by Alex's shoulder, and he smoothed her hair with his good hand. 

"That'll never happen, Deb. Ask my friend here, not much happens to me for good." He quirked an eyebrow at Mulder. "Right?" 

"Asshole. You could have called once or twice. Come on, sit down and eat. Who is your friend?" 

"This is Mulder." 

She gave Mulder an odd look. "Interesting name. Your parents could only afford the one?" 

Alex tried to explain. "He really hates his first name. It's kind of a --" 

"It's Fox." 

Alex stared at Mulder in amazement. "I've known you for seven years, Scully's known you for eight; you met her ten minutes ago, and she gets to call you 'Fox'?" 

Mulder grinned. "I'm quirky that way." 

"You are not quirky, you're -- oh never mind. Pour me some coffee and pass the danish." 

Mulder turned to Deb to explain. "He's jealous." 

"Am not." Alex stuck out his tongue. 

They drank coffee and ate danish, listening to the birds and watching the dog roll around in the grass. Alex broke the silence finally. 

"So where's Luke?" 

"He had a gig in Vermont and took Chaz with him. They're gone until Sunday night." She turned to Mulder. "My husband plays the double bass. He's in the middle of a tour with the Vermont Symphony, and as a favor to me, he took our thirteen-year-old son along for a week of it. It's been a very quiet week." She sighed happily. "So, Alex, how long can you stay?" 

"Not long. I just wanted to touch base, let you know I was still alive..." 

"Pick up your stuff..." 

"Well, yeah, that too. And I need to check my e-mail." 

"Whatever you need. You know where the computer is. I haven't changed my password." 

"Didn't we talk about that?" 

"Jesus, Alex, do you have any idea how many passwords I have to remember just to log in at work? I need to keep a few things simple, okay? Don't start." 

Alex gave her a sheepish grin. "Sorry. At least I don't charge you for the consultation. Can I take a shower, too?" 

"Yes, go ahead. The towels are in the closet. Meanwhile, I'll fill Fox in on all the dirt from your past...I wonder where I put that yearbook..." 

"Mwahaha, you'll never find it! I burned it the last time I was here!" 

"Curses! Foiled again!" 

Mulder looked from one to the other, bemused. It was just so strange to think of Alex Krycek having a past. A high school yearbook, for God's sake. 

Evidently some of his thoughts showed on his face, because Alex frowned and said, "Mulder, you didn't invent me, y'know. I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I was a pretty normal kid right up through college." He turned to Debbie. "I'm going to take that shower. Maybe you should let him fill you in on the dirt from my recent past." 

He got up to go, but turned back. "And don't worry, Mulder; if Deb couldn't keep secrets, I'd be dead by now. Tell her whatever you want." 

* * *

Mulder looked down at the table, chastened. "Shit, I did it again. Dammit!" 

"So what's happened recently that I need to be filled in on?" 

"Let's see, he saved my life and my partner's a couple of times; of course this was after I came back from the dead after being abducted by aliens and experimented on...are you sure you want to know?" 

"You could just say 'It's classified'. That's something I can understand. Just because I read science fiction doesn't mean I believe in it. What is it with you two? He's missed our birthdays so many times and all he can come up with is some lame-ass excuse about being locked in a missile silo in North Dakota, or being stuck in a Tunisian prison. That was the latest one." 

"And then there was the time I dragged him to Siberia." 

"Yeah, and -- are you kidding?" 

"No. Not at all." 

"Then...wait. He's been..." 

"...Locked in a missile silo and stuck in a Tunisian prison. As far as I know -- I wasn't there for those. The Siberian thing, though -- that was me." 

"Holy shit." 

"And I'm pretty sure about the alien possession. I'll ask him to make sure. I think Scully still owes me five bucks on that one." 

"Fox, what the hell do you do for a living?" 

"Exactly what Alex has been telling you all this time. I've been fighting a shadow conspiracy of -- oh, forget it. It's classified." 

"Shit. It was easier when I thought he was making it all up. This is going to require a major amount of adjustment." 

"Listen, I know what you mean. Three months ago I watched a man I'd come to respect cold-bloodedly execute a man I'd only just begun to stop hating...and it ripped me apart. Changed everything I knew in an instant. And then I had to establish what the new course of my life would be. So I sat in my apartment for about three days and just thought about everything that had happened." 

"And what conclusions did you reach?" 

"That's the problem. I didn't reach any. So a week later, I was back in my same old rut. Chasing shadows, looking for conspiracy under every coincidence...my best friend's so sick of me she won't even speak to me right now. But when I saw Alex last night, and he wasn't dead, everything seemed better. I hadn't realized that he was what was missing." 

"So, wait -- Alex was the man you saw killed? But how --" 

"It wasn't really Alex. See, I kept telling myself that, over and over; it couldn't have been Alex. There was just -- something wrong. I felt like I'd seen the last act of a play, and someone had forgotten two pages of dialog, so the last scene made no sense at all. There was something missing, something I hadn't seen. That's the only way I can explain it." 

Deb was curious. Alex had never brought anyone else here. He only came when he need to 'recharge and rewind', as he called it. She knew he'd done some things he didn't like to talk about, so she never pushed him for information. But who was this guy -- wait a minute. Seven years? It had to be... 

"So how did you meet Alex, Fox?" 

"We worked together. Did he tell you about being in the FBI once upon a time?" 

She smiled. "Yeah, I thought so. You're the one he --" 

"Lied to? Betrayed? Poisoned?" 

Deb blinked twice. "....I was going to say 'fell in love with' and 'saved from being abducted'. What the hell are you talking about?" 

It was Mulder's turn to blink. The ground dropped out from under him, then rose back up and fit itself under his feet again. "The past. Forget it. I know why he did all that. What the hell are you talking about? Since when is Alex in love with me?" //Alex. Is. In. Love...With. Me. Oh, God.// 

"You are the one he was partnered with, right? Some guy took hostages in a ..shit, what was it...a travel agency, I think. You went in under cover and you volunteered to stay so the hostages could leave." 

"That was me, but..." 

"That's 'since when.' Shit, I thought you knew. I thought you were together. He's gonna kill me now." 

"No he's not, because you're not going to tell him." 

Her voice turned cold. "There is no way I'm going to deceive that man. Too many people have hurt him in the past. I will not be a party to that." 

"I don't want to hurt him. I need time to think about what you just said. I -- I may have feelings for him, too. I just never knew. Give me some time to process this, okay?" He gave her a wry smile. "I very seldom think of the right things to say without a lot of time beforehand, practicing. I don't want to screw this up. So if you really don't want him to get hurt, give me some time. Please?" 

"I guess so." 

"Tell me what he was like in high school." 

Her voice softened again and she smiled, remembering. "We did everything together. Well, not everything. He always had the lead in the musicals, I was usually in the chorus. But he was great. Never got a big ego about it. He's the closest thing to a brother I have. We used to argue about stupid stuff, but whenever I needed him, he was always right there for me. So I try to do the same for him now. He knows this is his home whenever he needs it." 

She sighed. "It was really hard on him when his mom died. Legally, he was old enough to live on his own, but no matter how old you are, being alone in the world is about the worst thing there is. My mom got him to move in with us, and he stayed a couple of months, but then he said he felt like he was in the way. When he went away to college, I didn't see him for over a year. We expected him back for the holidays, but he never showed up. When I finally tracked him down, he gave me some crap about being a bother. I was just so glad I had found him again." 

"How did he afford college? Without his parents that must have been tough." 

"He had a full scholarship. His grades had always been at the top of his class. And he was easily eligible for all the financial aid there was. With her life insurance and a part time job or two he was just able to cover his expenses. I know he hated how it happened, but she would have been so proud of him. She was barely able to hold a conversation in English for more than a few minutes, and her son had graduated with high honors, and was going to college." 

Alex came back outside. His hair was still damp from the shower, and his feet were bare. He was rolling his head around again, and Deb noticed. 

"Alex, when was the last time you worked out?" 

"Couple weeks ago. I've been sleeping in the car a lot, and most motel rooms don't have space for it." 

"Assume the position, mister. Now." Debbie jumped up to sit on the railing and indicated the bench between her feet with a stern finger. Alex hid a smile as he dragged his feet over and sat. His smile grew wider as Debbie put her hands on his shoulders and began to knead the tight muscles there. 

"Oh, yeahhhh...right there." Alex's reaction was nearly obscene. 

//I wonder if he moans like that during sex...// thought Mulder. // His eyes half shut, mouth opening....// 

"Fox! Are you with us?" asked Debbie teasingly. "Do you want to learn how to do this? Usually Alex works out his kinks doing Tai Chi, but he's way too tight right now. Come over here next to me." 

Mulder walked over and sat on the railing to her right. She took his hand and put it on Alex's shoulder, just at the base of the neck. "Feel how tight that is? Use your thumb and fingers to gently work the muscle. He'll let you know if it hurts." 

Mulder self-consciously tried to imitate her practiced motions. Touching Alex without anger was something totally new. Not since they had been partnered had he been this close to the man without violence. But now all he could think about was how good touching another person could feel. Debbie was going on to explain how Alex's balance was off center now, and as a result, he used his body in different ways. This could result in overworked muscles, which he was too proud to ask for help with. 

"I'm still here," said Alex drowsily. 

Mulder smiled. //Scully used to do the same thing to me -- get all clinical and dry to mask her mother-tiger instincts.// Alex smelled like a forest after the rain, spicy and a little wild. //Okay, this is dangerous. You don't even know how he feels about you now. God knows you've done your best to make him hate you. At the very least you're lucky he's letting you do this.// "Alex, is this okay?" 

"Mmmm...yeahhh...good..." 

Debbie moved off the railing so Mulder could slide over and use both hands. She picked up the tray with the remains of their breakfast and said, to no one in particular, "I'll be in the kitchen." 

After she left, Mulder felt awkward. He had all this new information, including some that he was sure Alex didn't want him to have. He was determined to find out what was really between them now -- whether it was the beginnings of a friendship, or something more. Something deeper. But knowing what he did about Alex's past made him hesitant to push too hard. 

"Mulder, why are you doing this?" 

"Why, don't you like it?" 

"Of course I like it, but it's not necessary. I'll be fine." 

"Alex, you got like this because you were protecting me. The least I can do is help you feel better. I'm starting to realize just how many times you've probably saved my ass over the years. It's kind of embarrassing." 

"Forty-two." 

"What? You're making that up." 

"Well, it's gotta be the answer to something!" 

"So you're just gonna keep trying, right?" 

"Yeah, I -- Oh, God, Mulder, right there -- uhhhhhh. Damn, you're good at that. You better stop, though. If I get any more relaxed you'll have to carry me into the house." 

"Oh, we can't have that, can we? You've got to keep your edge." A thought occurred to Mulder, and as usual, he wasted no time voicing it. "Is anyone after you right now, Alex? Are you on the run?" 

"No, that's the great thing about being dead. Nobody thinks to look for you. Skinner did me quite a favor, killing me like that." 

A shudder ran through Mulder's body. His hands were still resting on Alex's shoulders, and Alex turned questioningly. "What's wrong? Jesus, Mulder, you look awful." 

"Sorry, just -- been reliving that moment a little too frequently in my nightmares lately, thanks. Do me a favor, okay, Alex? Don't ever make me watch you die again." 

Alex stared at him. "Mulder, that wasn't the plan. They wanted you dead. The replicant was supposed to kill you, but I guess there was too much of me left in him." 

"That's not really what I meant. I just --" Mulder needed to move, to do something. He got off the railing and started to pace in front of Alex. "When I saw Skinner coming with his gun out, I was supposed to feel relieved, right? Like everything was going to be fine, the good guys would win and we'd all go home happy. And then he shot you. His face, it was so -- dead. There wasn't even any anger there. He was just -- cold. He shot you three times, Alex. The last one right in the middle of your head. God, I can still hear the echoes. And I saw you lying there on the concrete floor, and part of my brain was yelling 'No, that's not how it ends! Go back, it's wrong, do it right this time!' And the part of my brain that actually gets things done was already moving, getting me into the car, going after Scully. I stopped after about three miles and threw up. And then I kept on going. Because even if it wasn't right, it was....It happened. And there was somebody else I could save." 

"Jesus, Mulder, I ---" 

"No, you don't understand. I don't understand. How did it all get so fucked up, Alex? I can't even stand to be in the same room with him anymore. That's why I don't see Scully and the baby." 

Alex put out his hand to stop Mulder's restless pacing and caught him by the wrist. "Mulder, he had reasons to want me dead. You know that." 

Mulder stopped in front of Alex and said, almost angrily, "Don't defend him. I know what his reasons were. And I know how he looked when he did it. Dammit, Alex, I don't want to see that anymore. I want it out of my head." 

Alex's hand rested on Mulder's wrist for another brief moment, then slipped down to grab his hand. He slid off the bench and pulled him toward the door. "Let's go inside, Mulder. I got your stuff out of the car. Take a shower, you'll feel better." 

Mulder followed silently. At the door, Alex had to release his hand to work the latch, and when he turned to look back to make sure Mulder was still following, he saw the pain in the older man's eyes. Pain, and something else. //Despair? Shit. Not now. This was supposed to help him, you idiot.// 

"Mulder, listen to me. Look at me. Come on." 

Mulder met his gaze unwillingly. 

"It's not as bad as you think. I promise. People do things sometimes, things they never thought they could or would be able to do. Skinner was a Marine, Mulder. In Vietnam. He's probably seen more shit than I have, for chrissakes. You learn to ... turn it off. How to distance yourself from what you need to do. Dissociative behavior. Remember that from Psych 101? You need to talk to him; find out what really was going on in his head that night before you condemn him. Please?" 

"I can't believe you're saying this." 

"And here I thought you could believe anything." 

That coaxed a small smile from Mulder, and Alex sighed in relief. //Crisis averted, for now. Time to distract him.// "So go take a shower and then you can quiz me some more about my misspent youth. Meanwhile I'm going to check my email and see what I've missed the past couple of days." 

* * *

Mulder came back downstairs after his shower to hear the sound of Alex singing along with Jethro Tull as he happily waded through his messages. A million generations / Removed from expectations of / Being who you really want to be... Mulder wandered into the small office off the dining room and leaned against the doorframe. A happy Alex was a sight to behold. // I never knew he could sing. Of course, there's evidently quite a lot I never knew -- never had time to know. Looks like we may have some time now, though. // 

"Skating away / on the thin ice of a new day-yay-ay-ay -- son of a BITCH! NO!!" 

Debbie came running from the kitchen. "What? What's wrong?" She pushed past Mulder and ran to Alex's side. "Did you find him? Alex, what is it?" 

Alex looked up at her, his face pale. "He's in Wyoming. He's dead." 

~to be continued~ 

* * *

Comments? Tell me all about it. 

* * *

* * *

On the Road  
by Starfish  
  
http://www.mrks.org/~starfish/xfst.html 

Rating: NC-17 Woo hoo! M/M sex in this, beware! A bit of angst, too, not too much. And silliness. 

Disclaimer: Hey! Chris threw 'em away! So they're mine now. Right? Oh. Well, until he wants 'em back, I'll just hang on to them, okay? 

Notes: I've followed canon up until the very last moment of "Existence". Whew! ::wipes brow:: This is set about three months after. Somebody wanted the boys in a convertible. This is my attempt. Mucho thanks to my way cool beta, Wildy. She really had to rein in the schmoop factor on this one. She kicks ass! This is part 3 of the series I started with "Rest Stop" and "Homecoming." I don't know how much further we've got to go; they won't let me drive. But I'm really enjoying the ride!! 

* * *

Previously, on The X-Files... 

"He's in Wyoming. He's dead." 

Alex's eyes were wild. "Cell phone, where did I leave my fucking cell phone..." 

Mulder fished his out of his jacket and held it out. "Here." Uncharacteristically, he refrained from further speech. 

Alex mumbled his thanks as he dialled, pacing the length of the dining room. The call was finally answered at the other end. "Rico, it's me. Yes, I just now...well, I didn't know...do NOT tell me to calm down...I'm at a friend's house...just tell me where...fuck. How sure are you it's him? Yeah... All right. Listen, I've got to go. I need to get some cash for the trip, the bank's gonna close...are you insane? Jesus, I never thought I'd hear the letters A, T, and M come out of your mouth...I know...No, I'm driving...because I don't like airports anymore...Okay, here, talk to Mulder... Yes, your Mulder, how the hell many Mulders do I know?" He tossed the phone to Mulder and said "Back in half an hour," as he headed out the door. 

Mulder stared at the closing door, then at the phone in his hand. It was squawking his name, so he carefully put it to his ear. //Who do I know named Rico?// "Hello?" 

He was surprised to hear a familiar voice. "Mulder? What the hell are you doing there?" 

"Langly?" //Langly is Rico. Langly knows Alex is alive. What next?// "Langly, please tell me what is going on here. Wait -- do Byers and Frohike know about Alex?" 

"No, nobody else; just me and now you, I guess. Mulder, how did you find out? Dude, is Scully there? This is so bad." 

"Scully doesn't know, she and I parted ways yesterday and Alex picked me up on the side of the highway. Now... WHAT IS GOING ON?" 

He heard a sigh from the other end of the phone line. "It's really Alex's story, Mulder. I can't --" 

"He told you to talk to me. Talk." 

"Dude, I've known you a long time. But Alex and I go back even further. And this is his story, to tell or not as he chooses. Tell him I'm emailing all the info I found. He can call back if he needs anything else. And Mulder -- do NOT tell anyone else that Alex is still alive. Or he won't be. And then I will come after you myself." 

Mulder was shocked into silence. This was not the Langly he knew. This was not the highly intelligent but totally geeky flake who balanced so well with Byers' calm good nature and Frohike's surly cynicism. This person actually sounded like he might be a threat to Mulder's continued good health if he was crossed. //Do I really know who anybody is?// 

"Mulder? Did you get that?" 

"Yeah, Langly, I got it. Uh -- don't worry about it." 

" 'Kay. Later, dude." And the call was disconnected. 

Mulder came back to himself after a moment and found his hostess staring at him. "What's going on?" he asked helplessly, not really expecting an answer anymore, but unable to keep from asking the question. 

Debbie frowned. "Fox, it's really not something I feel like I can tell you. It's bad enough that I slipped up earlier. If Alex wants you to know, he'll tell you. I'm sorry, but -- " she broke off and considered him carefully. "How many people do you trust, Fox? Really trust, with your life?" 

"Scully, the Gunmen and I guess Alex, now. Five." 

"Well, as far as I know, for Alex the answer to that would be two. Me, and this Rico guy. Rico gives him information, and I give him a place to come home to. And we both give him our silence. He's never asked for much from me, and I can't take anything away from him. When he gets back, you can ask him to explain. Just trust me on this one, Fox. It's very painful for Alex to talk about, so don't push too much. But it's very important to him. 

"Can you -- if he tells you what it's all about, can you go with him? He won't ask you to go with him. He might say he doesn't want you to. But he needs you." 

Mulder smiled at this. After recent events, he was even more sure that Alex Krycek could take care of himself, regardless of the number of arms he possessed. "He won't thank you for that, you know. He doesn't need my protection at all." 

"I'm not worried about that. I know he can take care of himself in a fight. But he'll try to drive straight through to Wyoming; he'll forget to eat; he's just not thinking straight right now. He needs someone to insist on stopping after eight hours of driving to get some sleep. He needs someone to make him eat lunch. And he needs someone to talk to, so he doesn't have to think so much. Can you do it? Will you?" 

"I don't have much experience being the voice of reason. But if he wants me along, I'll go." 

"Good. I'll go dig his stuff out from the storage closet. He'll probably need some of it." 

As Debbie went upstairs, Mulder suddenly realized he hadn't yet called Scully. //Dana,// he reminded himself. // She wants me to call her Dana.// He dialed her new home number and listened to the ringing. //Should have thought of a cover story before I dialed. Damn, I'm not too good at this covert stuff yet. Maybe Alex can give me some lessons.// 

A sleepy baritone voice intruded into his thoughts. "Hello?" 

//Shit. Of course it had to be him. It's his house.// "Uh, good morning, s -- Walter. Is Dana there?" 

"Who is this?" 

"It's me. Mulder." 

"Oh. Sorry, you just never -- wait, I'll get her." 

Klunk of phone on table, rustling of sheets, footsteps. //Damn. I think I woke him up. // He heard Skinner's voice, faintly. "Dana? It's Mulder. I think." 

Then he heard an extension picked up. "Mulder? Where are you?" 

//Normal, normal, everything's fine...// "Hi, Dana. I hope I didn't wake Walter up." 

"No, he was up all night with the baby, and -- Mulder, are you all right? Is there someone listening? Oh God, have you been kidnapped?" 

Mulder was stuck on a new mental picture of Skinner -- walking the floor with a colicky infant, singing softly -- or maybe a boot camp drill cadence? "I don't know but I've been told..." He mentally slapped himself and reviewed the conversation. Kidnapped? 

"No, I'm fine. What are you talking about?" 

"You called me Dana. You called him Walter." 

"Didn't you ask me to?" 

"Yes, months ago, Mulder. And you never did. So I gave up. Never mind. Are you home? I'm sorry about last night, Mulder. I guess I wasn't really ready to go out in the field yet. I was just worried about leaving the baby like that, and it kind of spilled over onto you. Can you come over for dinner? Walt's making his world-famous chili." 

//Think fast, Oxford-boy.// "I'm not home, Scully. I'm still in Connecticut. I just talked to Langly, and he needs me to do something for him in New Hampshire. I don't know when I'll be back, really. Could be two weeks or more." 

Her voice was cool. "Okay, that's fine." 

"Really, Sc -- Dana. I'm not upset about last night. In fact, I should be apologizing to you. I'm so sorry, Dana. I really haven't been myself lately. You had every reason in the world to be pissed off at me. You probably should have done something like that years ago." 

"Yeah, well, you never let me drive." But her voice sounded amused now. It would be okay between them again. It could never be the same, but that was okay, too. Everything has to change to stay alive, even friendships. 

Mulder ended the call with a promise to be in touch when he could and a kiss for the baby. 

* * *

When Alex finally walked in the door forty-five minutes later, Mulder was watching CNN again, but he shut it off quickly. He had been trying to plan what to ask, how to approach the situation so it didn't seem like an interrogation. He still had no good ideas, but it was showtime. As he watched Alex walk warily into the room, he realized what he needed to do. 

"Langly said he would email the rest of what you needed." 

"Okay, thanks. I'll go look at it. Where's Deb?" 

"She went to make lunch. Something about making sure you get a decent meal for a change." 

"Yeah, that's my Deb. So...?" 

Mulder just waited. 

Alex raised an eyebrow. "No interrogation? No 'Twenty Questions'? Could I check the back of your neck, please?" 

Mulder patted the couch next to him, and waited for Alex to sit down. Then he said, "You can tell me what you want to, Alex. I won't deny that I'm curious. It's really very hard for me not to ask you what the hell is going on. But the only two people you seem to trust in this world have both told me that it's your decision what you want me to know, and I'm going to respect that. I called Scully and made up a story about going to New Hampshire for a week or two to look into something for Langly. I'd like to go with you, wherever you're going. You promised me a road trip, remember? But it's up to you." 

Alex's eyes searched Mulder's as he tried to take in this new facet of his personality. He said, slowly, "You didn't tell Scully where you were?" 

Mulder chuckled. "Hell, no, Langly threatened my very existence if I breathed a word to anybody. But I'd already figured out that I need to keep it a secret. I realize I have no right to ask for your trust, Alex, after the way I've mistreated you over the years. But I'm hoping to earn it someday." 

Just then, Debbie bustled in to announce that lunch was ready. Alex made some noises about needing to check the email from Langly, but he was overruled by the simple expedient of Mulder grabbing his hand and pulling him into the kitchen. Debbie served them their lunch, and then left to run some errands. 

As they ate and talked of generalities, Alex slowly relaxed. Mulder was truly not going to hound him about this. That actually made it much harder. //I told him I wouldn't lie to him any more, why doesn't he just ask me what he wants to know? I mean, I want to tell him, but I don't know how. Well, if I start talking, I'm sure he won't be able to resist digging.// 

"Okay, Mulder, I'm very impressed with your self-control. Where do you want to start?" 

"Well, if I get to choose the topic, I think I'll take 'Secret Lives of the Lone Gunmen' for 200, Alex." Mulder looked very pleased with himself. 

"Ah. Rico." 

"Alex, nobody calls him 'Rico'." 

" I do. I met him before he decided on 'Ringo', which by the way I tried to talk him out of." 

"Okay, go on. I apologize for the interruption." 

Alex made a mock bow and then thought for a moment. "We met in college, freshman year. He was my roommate. Well, one of them. The other one was a redneck football player. I really think there's a wide streak of sadism in the people in charge of housing assignments. Anyway, Rico and I became friends, and the other guy flunked out after a semester." 

Mulder waited while the pause expanded. He was having trouble concentrating on the food in front of him, almost visibly jittering with curiosity by now. // Who's dead? I need to know!! But I can't just ask. I can't. He has to tell me. He has to trust me enough to tell me.// 

Alex's voice finally broke the silence. "Mulder, I can't do this." 

The pain sliced through him like one of Scully's autopsy incisions. //Shit shit shit. Well, what did you expect? Beat up on somebody for six or seven years; they're not going to feel all warm and fuzzy towards you.// He sighed. "It's okay, Alex, I understand. I'll rent a car of my own and go back --" 

"No, I mean -- I can't just sit here and talk about my life like this. It's -- it's completely foreign to me. I've never done this; I don't know what to tell you, what to leave out, where to start...so just go ahead and ask me. I want to tell you everything, Mulder, and I will. But it's fifteen years of backstory, and we don't have time. So do your thing, ask the important questions, and we can get on the road." 

"You -- you'll let me go with you?" 

"Mulder, I know that look in your eye. If I said no, you'd probably follow me anyway. Which would piss me off, and we don't need that. 'Cause, you know, I found the duct tape." But he was smiling as he said it, a sexy, evil smirk which gave Mulder a glimmer of hope for the future. Their future. 

"Oh, Alex, you say the sweetest things..." Mulder said with a smirk of his own, and waited until Alex stopped choking on the bite of food he had been trying to swallow. "Okay, how 'bout if I start with five questions?" 

"Such restraint! Go ahead." 

"Give me a minute here, I need to make them count. Okay, here's number one: is Krycek your real name?" 

"Ahh, good one. Yes, it is my legal name. No, it is not the name I was born with. I was born Alexander Paul Davidson. I changed it when I turned twenty-one." 

"Hmmm ... What was your major in college?" 

"I had a double major, actually. Computer Science and Criminal Justice. Do not laugh." Mulder shook his head, lips tightly pressed together. "Okay. I graduated with a 3.80 GPA, and went to work writing software. I had applied to the FBI Academy, and although they were quite impressed with my grades, they were less than thrilled by my mother's background -- two steps away from the steppes, as one of my interviewers put it. I hope he's burning in hell right now. Anyway, I was writing software, mostly databases in those days, a few games for fun; nobody knew then what would happen in just a few years. And then one day a man came up to my table when I was eating lunch. He told me he could get me into the FBI Academy, if I still wanted it. He ran a special division, sort of a watchdog group. Very secret, black ops, shhh. And he had seen my application and he wanted me. I think you can guess the rest, Mulder." 

Mulder nodded. "Question three: Are you still with the KGB?" 

"Hmmm. The question presumes facts not in evidence, your honor. Comrade Arntzen is still a member in good standing, as it were. However, the good comrade is missing and presumed dead, so I would have to say no to that one. I was never a member of the KGB, Mulder. Just like I wasn't really part of that militia group. It's astounding what kind of documentation you can come up with given a computer and a really dedicated hacker." 

"How are you financing this little jaunt?" 

Alex bristled a bit at that one. "Nervous about blood money, Mulder?" At Mulder's patient stare, he relaxed. "Sorry, that was a cheap shot. Okay, remember I said I started out working in software design? I had a knack for spotting problems before they could happen, and that meant my programs ran smoother and needed fewer upgrades than others. Not to brag, Mulder, but everything I wrote was Y2K compliant even back in 1986. I made sure to get my name on the licenses of all my work. Well, Alex Davidson still gets very nice royalty checks from the first products I licensed, and I've been busy on other little projects over the years. Deb is my distributor. We take orders for games and utilities on the website, and she sends the software out and keeps the books. It's a fairly lucrative business. Of course, it's not quite as exciting as my former profession, but I think we both know exciting isn't always what I'm looking for in a job description." 

"Are you ready for the last question?" 

"Yes." He was absolutely ready. He knew what was coming. He would answer in a dry, calm, unemotional voice, and then it would be over. "Ask the question, Mulder." 

"So tell me Alex -- this road trip we're taking -- am I Thelma or Louise?" 

Alex's eyes opened wide, and he started to laugh. He laughed so hard he forgot how to breathe. Then, with barely a change of expression, he started to cry. Mulder pulled his chair over beside Alex, and put an arm around his shoulders. Alex turned his face into the older man's shoulder, and Mulder's other arm came around him to hold him tight. "Shhh, it's okay, I know, shhh, I've got you," he murmured. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to --" 

"It's okay, Mulder," Alex said. He raised his head and sat back in his chair. Mulder handed him a napkin off the table to wipe his face. "I'm okay. It's just --" 

"You thought I was going to ask who died." 

"Yeah, I was all set for that one. Damn you, anyway. You never do what I expect you to." 

"But I already know. It was your father, wasn't it? You had Langly working on finding him, and he did. So now you're going to Wyoming, to see why he never came back. To see what was so much better than you and your mother to keep him there. And you're angry because he died before you could talk to him; before you could tell him you had survived without him." 

Alex just stared. 

"Will it insult your intelligence if I tell you that nothing any five-year-old boy ever did made his father leave home?" 

"Jesus, Mulder, you really are spooky." 

"To quote a friend of mine, 'It's what I do.' " 

Alex smiled. "That sounds really good, Mulder. Us being friends, I mean. It's a good start." He sighed. "Let's get going. I've got to check out that information Langly sent, and plan the trip. You wanna help?" 

* * *

Alex's father, Paul Davidson, had been living under the name of David Paulson ("He wasn't even trying," Alex complained), in the town of Jackson, Wyoming. According to the trip-planning software Alex used, it would be a five-day trip, if they drove eight hours each day. They printed out the directions and a map, and combed through the information Langly had sent, getting "Paulson's" last address and workplace. 

Debbie came back from her errands with three bags of Alex's favorite "car food" for the trip. While they were trying to fit the bags into the car, Mulder remembered that he was out of clean clothes, having packed for only a three day trip. There was a flurry of laundry and repacking. 

They were finally ready to leave by three. Almost. 

"What do you mean, I can't drive?" 

"Mulder, it's my car. I get to drive. If I want you to take the wheel once in a while, I'll let you know. Get in." 

"Fine, passenger picks the music." 

" Fine, they're all my CD's anyway." 

"Can we at least put the top down?" 

"Yeah, okay, we'll put the top down. Crybaby." 

"I heard that!" 

"You were meant to." 

But they were laughing as they hugged Debbie goodbye and pulled out of the driveway. First stop, Erie, Pennsylvania, just because Mulder liked the name. Just because. 

* * *

Mulder's voice came from out of the darkness, sounding like a documentary narrator. "Day fifty-three...supplies running low...may be forced to eat Alex to stay alive..." 

The meal in question giggled. "Do I get any say in that, Mulder?" 

"Yeah, you can pick the body part I start with." 

//Did he just say that? 'Cause if it's my choice, I'm pretty sure I know what part of me I'd like to stick in his mouth. Damn. It's gonna be a long trip.// 

"I still can't believe we're driving to Wyoming." 

"Hey, I like this car. I'm not gonna abandon it if I don't have to. And I'm in no particular hurry to get there. He's not going anywhere. You're just upset because I won't let you drive." 

"Am not." 

"Stop pouting. I find that very unattractive in a man." //Although on you, it looks way too good.// 

"Oh? And what do you find attractive?" 

//He's doing it again. Why now? Why me?....Shit, why not?// 

"Are you flirting with me, Mulder?" 

"Just asking a question. Are you gonna answer it?" 

Alex took a deep breath and let it out. Not quite a sigh, but almost. //Okay, big guy, you really wanna know? Just don't hurt yourself jumping out of the car.// "A sick sense of humor and a nice firm ass. Any other questions?" 

Mulder just smiled. It was a start. And now that they were on the road, who knew what would happen... 

* * *

That night in the first in their parade of econo-motel rooms, after determining the total lack of interesting television programs, Mulder nagged Alex into continuing the game of "Name that Movie" they had started in the car. Each reclining on his own bed now, barefoot and sprawled, comfortable with each other in ways they hadn't ever been before. 

" 'We're gonna need a bigger boat.' " 

"Too easy. Jaws. My turn...hmmm....'I don't know if I agree with your police work 100% there, Lou.' " 

"Fargo. Okay, let me think...got one! 'If Marxie Heller's so fuckin' smart, how come he's so fuckin' dead?' " 

"Prizzi's Honor." 

"Damn, I thought I had you on that one, Mulder. I am seriously running out of movies here. We need a new game. Your turn." 

"I really want to kiss you right now." 

Silence. 

"Did you hear me, Alex?" 

"Yeah, I'm thinking. That's a tough one. Gimme a hint." 

"It's not a quote, Alex; it's just a fact." 

"You...what?" Suddenly there was no air in the room. Alex couldn't draw a breath. // I must be dreaming.// "Mulder...?" 

"Fox. Please. I want to hear you say it." 

"Mulder, are you joking? Because I -- shit! Since when are you --?" 

The older man laughed. "Since the first time I saw you. I thought 'God, I have got to get him out of that suit.' I was so lost in mentally undressing you, I completely missed the whole hand-shake moment. Alex, I've known I was bi since high school. It's just not very often I meet anyone who's worth the trouble." 

"And...are you saying...?" 

"I still want you. If you feel the same, that is." 

Alex's voice came softly. "Fox... I -- I do. I've wanted that since I met you." 

His name on Alex's lips sent desire surging through Mulder. "So why are you still waay over there on the other bed?" he asked, teasingly. 

The voice was rough now. "I'm afraid to move. I've had this dream before... and waking up just when I reach out for you is -- it's really a drag." 

"Alex, you're not dreaming. This is me; this is real. And if you're not going to move, I guess I will." With that, Mulder arose from his bed and took the two steps across to Alex. He sank down onto the mattress and placed his hand on Alex's warm thigh. He could feel the tension there, and began to massage it away, moving his hand slowly up to the heat above. 

Alex moaned, then reached out for...Fox. He had always called Mulder that in his fantasies, and now --. 

It was strange to feel so tentative, so...unsure. He was always the aggressor when it came to sex, whether it was a man or woman in the bed. Big bad Alex the stud. And now he had no idea how to proceed. This was so far out of reality -- well, look who he was talking about. But he knew he needed to kiss that mouth, right now, before Mulder came to his senses and realized what he was doing. He reached out, grasped the back of Mulder's head and pulled him in. Just one kiss. 

This wasn't just a kiss, though. It was more, so much more that it had no name, only feeling. Heat. Blazing heat, too-close-to-a-bonfire heat, bone-melting, soul-destroying, // please God don't let it stop // heat. Tongues searching for their mates, circling, duelling, //I win, you win// . And the taste of him. Salt from those damn seeds, coffee from dinner, a bit of cinnamon; it was indefinable. It was incredible. It was everything. 

After what seemed about twenty-seven years, Alex came back to himself enough to know that Mulder was trying to take off his shirt. His hands were roaming around Alex's chest, until they encountered the straps of his prosthesis. And stopped. 

//Shit. This is the part that always stopped me before. Sometimes I can almost forget it's there. Nice ride while it lasted.// 

Mulder drew back, feeling the hesitation, and looked into Alex's face. Watched the honest emotions that had been there a moment before fade away to be hidden behind the mask he had always hated. The one that so coolly looked out over the world and let no one inside. He needed to crack that mask, smash it into a million pieces and sweep it away so it couldn't be found again. 

"Alex, please, let me -- " Mulder pulled the shirt over Alex's head and down his arms. His fingers found the fastenings of the straps and fumbled a bit. Alex didn't stop him, but didn't help either. 

And then Mulder saw why. The scars were ugly. There was no other word for it -- oh, maybe horrific, but that wasn't any better. //Look what I did to him. My selfish, foolish, blind search for a truth that was never there. How can he not hate me every day of his life? How can he let me touch him, let me near him?// Mulder's eyes closed, and he bowed his head. "Oh, God, Alex, I -- I'm sorry. I never --" 

Alex was up and moving away before the next words could be spoken. His voice was bitter. "It's okay, Mulder. Really. I understand. How can anybody want to --" 

" No." The word was a whipcrack. Alex stopped and looked back to the bed where Mulder still sat, head in his hands. Saw the anguish on the face as the head was raised, saw the tears in the eyes that met his. "No, Alex, I didn't mean -- don't .... Please. It's just hard for me to ... face what I did to you. What my arrogance cost you. I don't feel disgust, or pity, or anything close to that. I'm just so fucking sorry. And I don't know how I can ever make it right. How you can let me touch you after ...." 

Alex was across the room in two steps. He knelt beside the bed and put his hand on the side of Mulder's face. Looked deep into the tormented eyes. "I don't blame you anymore, Mulder. Listen to me. It was no one's fault entirely. Blame the bastards who started the testing. Blame the idiots who started cutting off people's arms. Hell, blame Marita for getting you the papers. It was the end product of a long string of events, and God knows I had my own part in them. If you hadn't mistrust-- no. If I hadn't given you every reason to mistrust me, maybe you wouldn't have thrown me in the back of that truck. But I knew they were listening in that cell. I couldn't give you any reassurances. And you wouldn't have believed them anyway. 

"It's the past, Mulder. All of it. And I want to move on. Do you?" He held his breath and waited for the answer. 

It came in the form of another kiss. This one was all sweetness and promise, a taste of things to come. Alex moved up off his knees, feeling one pop as he did. // Damn, am I getting too old for this?// He pushed Mulder back against the pillows and deepened the kiss. Heat again, and something else now. He was in charge and it felt good. Felt great. Like nothing ever before. All his fantasies, in this one man. "Stay right there - don't you dare move." 

He stood up and began to unfasten his jeans. Stared straight into Mulder's eyes as he slowly pulled down the zipper. Worked the tight denim down past his impossibly hard cock. Past his knees, down to his ankles, to be kicked off. His briefs followed the jeans into the corner under the chair, and then he was back on the bed. "Your turn, Mulder. Strip for me. Make it good." 

Mulder's eyes said he understood about being in charge, and just this once he wouldn't fight about it. He stood and stretched for effect, then walked over to the dresser. Leaning one hip against it, he began to work the buttons of his blue oxford shirt. One by one, they released, revealing the ever-so-gorgeous chest that Alex remembered. Leaving the shirt hanging from his shoulders, he caressed his pecs, sliding his fingertips over the hardening nipples. Lowering his hands now, he popped the first button of his jeans. Then the second. Third. 

Alex's cock was twitching with need, but this show was so fine; too entrancing to interrupt. //Who knew Mulder could be like this? Was there a sign I missed? I really thought I had him pegged, after all these years. And what am I complaining about? Fuck, he's so beautiful.// 

Mulder smiled. "Alex? So are you." 

//Fuck, that was out loud. I've lost it.// 

"Don't stop now, dammit. I want you naked." 

"I thought you said to make it good?" 

"Jesus, Mulder if you don't stop arguing with me..." 

"Yeesss?" 

"I have a much better use for your mouth." 

"Really? And what would that be?" 

" Mulder. Pants. Off. Now." 

For a wonder, Mulder obeyed quickly and almost leapt onto the bed. Hands moved over skin, touching, teasing, loving. Mouths following hands, licking, nipping, tasting. A storm of feelings and pleasure, with no clear end in sight. Alex found himself turned over onto his stomach, and then... 

For the second time that night, he felt Mulder freeze. He craned his head around to see what the problem was, and found the hazel-golden gaze fixed on his ass. Specifically on the left buttock. 

"Alex?" 

//Ooops// 

"Alex, could you please help me out here? An explanation of some kind?" 

"I was very drunk, Mulder. It was right after -- well, let's just say I thought I'd never see you again." 

"I see. So you get some woman's name tattooed on your ass to celebrate?" 

"What?" 

"Alex, who the fuck is Lisa?" 

Alex started to laugh. He couldn't help it. Samuel Beckett couldn't have written a scene this absurd. He turned over and pulled Mulder down on top of him, nestling their cocks together. 

"Mulder -- Fox -- baby, are you jealous?" 

"Well, I -- no, " he pouted. 

Alex laughed harder. "It's not a woman's name in Russian." 

"What?" 

"It's Russian. It's the Russian word for 'fox'. It's your name, you idiot. Sometimes when I drink, I forget how to speak English. Evidently when I told the tattoo artist what I wanted it to say, I -- well, he didn't question it. And I kinda liked it. Like a secret only I would ever appreciate. Still mad?" 

A smile stole across Mulder's face. "Depends...can I say that your ass is mine, now?" 

"It always has been. Always." 

Mulder responded by grinding his crotch sharply into Alex's. "Prove it." 

"I was trying to, before you had your little hissy fit..." 

"Oh, you're gonna pay for that one." 

"Oooh, I'm so scared. Whatcha gonna do, big strong FBI man? Use handcuffs?" 

"Will you stop laughing?" 

"Make m-- mmmphmmmm" 

// Dear God in heaven, whatever I did to get to this, I promise to do it more often, but please don't let him stop.// 

Strong hands stroking over his shoulders, down the one arm, and gently, so gently over the ruins of the other. Kisses on his face, his neck, his ear // tickles, ooh, so good// down to the collarbone. Sucking, biting, licking, //leave a mark, I dare you//...down to the chest. // Lower, lower, oh yesss, rightthere. Mmm.// Hands on his cock now, petting it like a kitten //where the fuck did that thought come from?// and now the mouth on him, and //ohhhhhhhhgodohgodohgod// 

"Alex?" 

"Hmm" 

"Hey!" 

"Wha-?" 

"Do you have -- um -- supplies?" 

//oh no not NOW don't stop NOW// 

"Mulder, you don't have condoms?" 

"Alex, I was on a case with Scully, for chrissakes. Why would I bring condoms? It's been quite a while since I've needed them." 

"Check. Your. Wallet. Because I may have to shoot someone if you are not in my ass in like three seconds." 

"Greedy slut. Owww." Mulder winced at the fingers twisting his left nipple and got up. "I'm checking my wallet now....Hey! I forgot about these! They were a present from Frohike last Christmas." 

"Mulder, please tell me they aren't really that color." 

"Yeah, and look -- they have little eyes, too." 

"Oh, God, why me? All right, get your frighteningly green alien-head condoms and your lovely ass over here and fuck me. Now." 

"Are you always going to be this bossy?" 

"I really think I might." 

"Good, 'cause I like it. For now." 

A beautiful smile, a growl, a moan...//who was that? Does it matter?// Lube? Little bottle of lotion from the bathroom works just fine... 

"....nownownownownow. Oh. GOD. yesyesyes" 

Afterglow.... 

"Alex..." 

"Now what?" 

"I love you." 

"Mmm. You better." 

"That's all I get?" 

"Depends." 

"On?" 

"Can I call you Fox when you're not trying to seduce me?" 

"Depends." 

"I love you, Fox." 

"Oh, yeah. That works." 

"Do you think it'll always be..." 

"That much fun? We can but try, I suppose." 

"Sounds like a plan, Thelma. OW!" 

~to be continued~ 

* * *

An optional detour...a poem Alex wrote. 

This is a collaboration by Wildy and Starfish...or what happens when Starfish drinks a beer. Blame IM for this. Or, if you like it, send feedback. Wildy did most of the work. She rocks. 

No spoilers, no disclaimer, no pity. 

Here I am...  
Been writing  
in your honor  
and I worked hard on it.  
UST, anyone?  
Yes, please,  
It feels so good when it stops.  
It left just a word behind  
in Russian  
a secret in cyrillics.  
Your name in a code of shyness... 

"Sometimes when I drink, I forget how to speak English. " I'm in a strange place -- but I got the banter back! Beautiful Fox...  
To think I waited all this time...  
Years wasted on UST. 

I'm so far out of the loop ...  
He's such a psychobaby.  
He cried at the end, tho  
All that history  
made me see the light  
and then I had to find out what the hell was going on yeah, and the "Truth" isn't out there  
and never was.  
"There is no truth!!" 

And I kicked him  
hard  
never knowing who the fuck I was supposed to be... Or what the hell I was doing there...  
Or why he did what he did to me. 

All the gaps tthat we may fill at our leisure -- 

Typing with one hand now. 

Hell, I type one-handed at all times... And not by reason of beating myself, either cuz my smallpox vac scar was high  
\-- I don't wanna go there. 

I'll settle for it, if the gift I get is Too much darkness in the last season  
against the light now...  
Hey Spooky?  
My lines are very faint, although  
There are some things I wouldn't do or  
say or  
give up on.  
The lines shift a lot, but they're BRIGHT. OK, they shift  
You know what I wouldn't do.  
I would, say, buy a puppy for you, Mulder, but never keep one myself.  
If I lied to myself ever  
I'd be roadkill within a week..  
Survival.  
Is.  
Hard.  
Abso-fuckin-lutely hard... 

Mulder needs to know that.  
He has no idea  
I am scared of anything not hard.  
The way you are of unknown terrain in wartime. He punished me with affection  
Alien to me and scarier than torture.  
When nobody ever came close unless it was killing distance -- I was scared it was real, scared it wasn't Nobody touches me just for me.  
Coming to need something -- anything at all is distracting  
and if surviving is all you ARE...  
Losing it hurts worse than never having it and surrender feels like suicide.  
I'm easily embarrassed by love  
but I'm working hard on it. 

Fox, come back here. 

* * *

Comments? Tell me all about it. 

* * *

* * *

Room 287  
Starfish  
  
http://www.mrks.org/~starfish/xfst.html Spoilers: Bits and pieces, nothing really. Rating: NC-17 Woo hoo! Graphic M/M sex in this, beware! Disclaimer: I'm not giving them back, Chris. Get over it. 

Notes: I've followed canon up until the very last moment of "Existence". This is set about three months after. We're on the way to Wyoming now, kids. Sort of. Fasten your seatbelts and keep your hands inside the vehicle. Mucho thanks, as always, to my way cool beta, Wildy. Without her help and IM inspiration at all hours, this series would be languishing on my desktop. 

* * *

Dark. So peaceful and dark. Sleep is so good when there are no nightmares. The best thing in the world. Almost. 

"Aaaaaleeeex..." 

It was a teasing whisper, full of promise. It was accompanied by a feather-light touch of lips to the tip of an exposed ear. 

Thwack! 

"Ow! Jesus!" 

"Shit, Mulder! What the hell did you think you were doing? Oh, God, let me get some ice..." Alex ran to the ice bucket on the dresser. It was nearly empty, just a bit of water at the bottom. "Hang on, let me get some pants on..." He struggled into his jeans and ran out the door to the ice machine at the end of the hallway. Ran back to the room for the ice bucket. Ran back to the ice machine... 

When Alex got back with the ice, Mulder was still sitting on the floor where he had fallen, holding a hand to his face. 

//Where he fell after you hit him.// 

//Shut up.// 

//Nice job, Alex.// 

//Shut the fuck up!// 

Alex grabbed a washcloth from the bathroom, awkwardly wrapped some ice in it, and offered it to Mulder. He fell to his knees beside him. "Can I look at it? Jesus, I'm so sorry, Mulder. I just got startled, and -- dammit. I never meant to do that." 

Mulder's answer was a blank stare at first, and then he slowly nodded. Removing the icepack momentarily, he said, "I'm sorry too. I should have known better." 

Alex took the opportunity to examine Mulder's nose. He gently felt for the side-to-side movement that would mean a trip to the emergency room. 

"Is it broken?" 

"No, it's not even bleeding. Mulder, for both of our sakes, please don't try that again. I'm not used to sleeping with someone. I don't like surprises in the morning." 

Mulder grinned wryly. "Confucious say, 'Wake sleeping tiger with long stick.' I'll remember next time. I just wanted to ..." 

"I know. We'll work it out. Just give me some time to get used to this, okay? 

"Okay." 

Alex sighed. Life on the road with Mulder would never be boring. "Keep the ice on it. I'm going to go take a shower." He walked over to his bag and rummaged through it to find clean clothes. 

"Alex?" 

"Hmm?" 

"Do you need help scrubbing your back?" 

"No, Mulder, I've got a brush for that. Thanks anyway." 

Alex went into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. First things first. He really needed to piss. Oh, yeah, much better. Mission accomplished. Now for the shower. As he took off his jeans and tossed them into the corner, it hit him. 

//He didn't really think you needed help, you moron. He wanted to take a shower with you. A shower. With. You. And you just turned him down. In no uncertain terms. "No, Mulder, I've got a brush for that." Jesus, what a fucking idiot. Okay, so last night he told you he loves you, whatever that means, and you said it back, whatever that means, and now you've just insulted him or rejected him and he's probably packing right now and how could you possibly manage to fuck up your life any further?// 

His mental voice was getting a bit shrill. //Maybe if I go back out there and ...// 

//What? Grovel?// 

//Apologize.// 

//Same fucking thing. Have some pride, for chrissakes.// 

//No, it isn't the same thing. And I thought I told you to shut up.// 

//I think perhaps you need my advice.// 

//No, I really don't. Because neither one of us has any experience in this sort of thing.// 

//What does that mean?// 

//It means that I think some things might be more important than my pride. It means some things are worth groveling for. And one of them is sitting on the floor holding ice on his nose. And he may be feeling as stupid as I am. And the only way to fix this is to go out there and find out. So shut up or get out.// 

He took a deep breath, and then another one. When was the last time he had felt so scared? Hey, he was Alex-fucking-Krycek, nothing scared him. Right. Except looking foolish, evidently. Except confronting his feelings, and the feelings of someone he had hurt. Again. //Shit. Shit shit shit shit. Open the door.// 

"Uh. Mulder?" 

He was still sitting in the middle of the floor with the icepack to his face. When he heard Alex's voice, he stiffened. "What?" 

"I. Um. There's. There's a spot on my right elbow that never seems to get really clean. So I. Could maybe. Use some help with it. Unless your offer was limited to just my back." He gave a tentative smile, and waited for an answer. 

//Please, please, please// 

Mulder's smile was the sweetest thing Alex had ever seen. "I think we could re-negotiate the offer. Providing the incentives are favorable enough." 

//Thank God. I can do this.// "Oh, I got your incentives right here, Mulder." 

"Yes you do. Oh, my. Alex, you have beautiful incentives." Mulder stood up and started across the floor to where Alex waited, tossing the makeshift icepack into the bucket as he passed it. 

//He did not just say that.// 

Alex felt his face grow hot. //Are you blushing? Get a grip. It's not like he meant it or anything. He's just flirting, in that odd way of his.// 

//I really want you out of my head. You're not helping.// 

By the time Mulder reached him, Alex had himself back in some semblance of control. Which evaporated at the first touch of his lover's hand. 

It was just a simple stroke of a palm across a flushed cheek, but the tenderness of the moment threatened to undo everything he held wound so tightly inside himself. The hand left his face to move across his right shoulder, gently stroking the collarbone with a restless thumb. 

"I want you to know something, Alex." The raspy almost-purr weakened his knees considerably. "It's not just sex. It's you; who you are; that's what I want." 

//It would be so much easier if it were just sex. Who I am isn't ready for this.// 

Mulder wasn't finished. "But if you're not ready to give me that, I'll take what I can get. It's been a long time since I felt like this...in fact, I'm not sure I ever have felt like this before. I think with our history, it'll be much too easy for one of us to hurt the other. And I'm not talking about my nose. So I'm laying it all out, right here, and I want you to listen and believe it. I enjoy being with you. I don't want this to end. Whatever you can give me, I want it. If it's just sex for you..." His voice trailed off. "Okay, well, I don't want to know that." 

"It's not. Just sex. It's...I don't know what it is. When I said that last night...when I told you I loved you...that's real. But I don't know what it means. I don't know how to be in love with you. I know I want to keep you safe. I know I want to be with you. I enjoy your company, Mulder, especially now that you're not beating me up all the time." A sideways glance through his lashes to see how that was received. "But I don't know how to have a "relationship" anymore." 

"Does that mean you don't want help with your -- what was it? elbow?" 

"Oh, no, I absolutely want help with my elbow. And there's another body part that needs some of your special attention." 

"Let me think...left knee? No? Hmmm.. how about ...here?" And Mulder's lips gently grazed the same ear he had previously tasted so briefly. This time, though, Alex's reaction was much more appropriate to the moment. 

"Ohhhh, yes, that's - hmm. Yeah." 

"Alex, it has come to my notice that we are both naked here." Mulder's hands smoothed up over Alex's chest and down his back to clasp at his waist. His mouth switched to the other ear. 

"Mmm?" Alex pushed forward slightly to rub his erection against Mulder's. He leaned his head in to smell the incredible Mulderscent that had always fascinated and aroused him. //Mine. Finally mine.// His hand crept up to stroke the soft hair at the nape of Mulder's neck. 

"And that there's a perfectly good shower through this doorway that you're standing in." 

"So?" //God, what is that? His shampoo? Nobody uses the same kind of shampoo for seven years.// He tried a lick behind the ear to see if the taste was as good as the smell. Oh yeah. Better, in fact. His tongue came out again. 

"So back up and let's get wet, lover." 

"Wet. Yeah. Good idea." He slowly began backing up, pulling Mulder along, trying to keep contact between them at a maximum. The friction between their cocks was intense, and he thought back to the night before. The way Mulder had made him incoherent with need just by touching him. Surely this wasn't how things really were. Surely it had been because it was so long since he...no, who was he trying to kid? It was Mulder, all of him, having the man in his bed at last, being wanted like this. Because there was no doubt that there was want and desire there. And now there was this other thing. This thing where somebody said 'I love you' and it meant more than 'That was great, I'm done, where's my shirt?'... 

//And the kissing, don't forget the kissing...// 

//What a good idea. I knew you'd come up with something useful one of these days.// 

Alex kissed a path around from Mulder's neck to the underside of his chin, and up to the lips. The stubble felt so good beneath his mouth. 

"Alex..." 

"Mmmm." //Oh, God, yes, the kissing. That's why I was incoherent. Christ.// And Alex remembered what this mouth, this gorgeous mouth, had felt like on his cock. //So hot, so greedy, like I'm the only thing in the world he can ever have and he wants all of me.// 

They reached the tub at last, and Mulder's hand snaked in through the shower curtain to turn on the water. He fumbled a bit, then broke off the kiss and sighed in frustration. "Hold that thought." He pulled the curtain aside so that he could see what he was doing and found the correct dial to turn and knob to pull, and adjusted the temperature. He then climbed into the tub, dragging Alex with him. 

It was a tight fit, two six-foot-tall men in a small hotel-bathroom shower. They stood sideways to the water, letting it pour over their heads as they kissed again, tongues searching for any possible unexplored territory in the other's mouth. Alex leaned in, pushing Mulder back against the wall. The cold of the tiles made him jump, and they almost lost their footing. 

Mulder snickered. "Careful, I don't want to end up in the hospital after all." 

"No, that would really ruin the plans I have for you. Stop talking and kiss me some more." 

"Again with the bossiness?" 

Alex bit Mulder's bottom lip in answer. //Always wanted to do that.// "God, you are so impossibly sexy. How did we ever last this long without ... this?" 

"I don't know. If I had any idea it would be this amazing, I would have gotten you out of that horrible suit and maybe you wouldn't..." 

Alex stopped him with a kiss. "No, Mulder. No regrets for you. We can't get back to that time. And the past is what shapes what we are. It's entirely possible it wouldn't have been like this, back then. We didn't know each other like we do now. It might have been just sex, and we both would have moved on, and we wouldn't be here...with me doing this," and he reached down to cup Mulder's ass, "and I wouldn't be saying how much I want you, and need you, right now." He looked into Mulder's eyes, checking for -- what? Hesitation? Did Mulder understand what he meant? 

Mulder's slow smile seemed to indicate that yes, he understood perfectly well. "I'm hoping that means you want to wear the other alien-head condom?" 

"Oh, gawd, I forgot. Frankly, Mulder, no, I don't want to wear that freaky thing. But I do want to be inside you. Dammit." He started to laugh. "We are the most fucked-up pair in the history of -- I don't know. I've made a career out of planning ahead, thinking ahead; always having backups for my backups. How is it you can undo all that just by touching me?" He leaned his head down onto Mulder's shoulder. 

"Alex? This may be the right time to mention that I'm really absolutely sure that I'm clean. I mean, they tested me seventeen ways from Sunday after I ... returned. And there's been no one since. Well, not so many before, either, for that matter. But you probably knew that anyway." 

Alex's head came back up so that he could see Mulder's face. "For the record, I have never once in my life had sex without a condom. And I tested clean a year ago, and I haven't actually had time to fit sex into my busy schedule lately, so..." 

"So I really don't see that we have a problem here. Do you?" Mulder's hands had been wandering over Alex's strong back and shoulders, feeling the muscles under the wet skin. 

"No, I don't see any problem at all. Are you really sure about this?" 

"It may seem a little soon to be saying this, Alex, but I want what we have to last. I can't ever imagine doing this with anyone else. I'm making a commitment here, right now. I understand what it means, and I want it more than anything I have ever wanted before in my life." 

"Wow. Jesus. I was actually just asking if you were sure you wanted to - uh - bottom." 

"Oh." 

"But the other thing is good too." //Well, that was smooth.// "I mean, oh, shit, Mulder, you turn me into a babbling idiot everytime you're near me. Uh -- okay, here goes: I'm willing to give you as much of me as there is, for as long as you want it." He smiled slyly and grabbed Mulder's cock, stroking it slowly but firmly. "And if you ever try to leave, I'll track you down and kill you. How's that for a commitment?" 

"That's my sweet-talkin' guy." 

"But, Mulder? We have a bit of a situation here." 

"Yeah, I know; I'm trying to get you to fuck me." 

"Yes, and you're facing the wrong way. Didn't they teach you basic anatomy at Oxford?" 

Snerk. "Very funny. You know you need to let go of that so I can move, right?" 

"What, this?" 

"Careful, I'm gonna need that later." 

"Oh, yeah you are. But just for now, I'll let go so you can turn around." 

They carefully untangled their feet and Mulder started to turn. "Um, Alex? This may be a good time to mention that I've never actually...done...this. With anyone. Before. And I really, really want to, but..." 

" 'S okay, Mulder, just face toward the end of the tub. Now brace yourself with your arms on the edge. I promise you'll like this. And I'll stop if you need me to. Just relax, baby. Everything's good." Alex's hand stroked Mulder's back soothingly. 

"Ohhh, I like that." 

"Feels good?" 

"Yeah, but -- when you call me 'baby'. Your voice is incredible. It just -- does things to me. Hot, sexy things" 

"You like it better than 'Fox'?" 

"Oh, yeah." 

"Okay, 'cause that felt a little weird." 

"Well, good, that's settled then." 

"Baby?" He felt a shiver run across Mulder's back. 

"Oh, God. What?" 

He giggled. "Just checking." Alex's hand left off its stroking and there was nothing for a moment. 

"Alex...please. I will beg you if I have to, but just do something." 

"I am trying to open this little bottle of lotion with one hand and my teeth." 

"Give it to me...there." 

"Thank you." 

"You don't have to pretend around me. Just ask if you need help." 

"Thanks. I will. Well, I'll try. But I'm all set now. No help required." 

He poured a bit of the lotion onto Mulder's back , and then began to spread the slickness down towards Mulder's ass. "Don't wiggle so much." 

"Can't help it, I'm ticklish there." 

"Get over it." He found the small opening and circled it with his index finger. "I'm just gonna put in one finger, babe, okay? We need to do this slow or it'll hurt. Are you ready?" 

"Yessss, oh God, Alex, please." 

Slowly he worked his finger into the tightness. His cock was screaming at him to hurry, but he knew it had to be this way. "How's that feel? Okay?" 

"More, I need more, pleasepleaseplease." 

"Now who's the greedy slut? Two fingers now. There." 

"Uhhhh. Oh, Alex. Yesyesyes. Do it. Just do it, damn you. God, please, please, Alex, please..." Mulder's hips pressed back onto Alex's fingers restlessly. 

"Mulder, I don't want to hurt you --" 

"Alex, I swear to God you will not hurt me so would you just please do it. I want to know what it feels like to have you inside me. I want to know what you felt last night when I was inside you. I want -- I want you." 

Alex slicked his cock and carefully pressed the tip against the resistant ring of muscle and gently began to press inwards. His hand made soothing circles on Mulder's back. "Okay, baby, just relax, open up for me, that's it." Once the head was inside, he stopped and waited. But those restless hips began to move again, pushing back so that more of his length was taken inside the glorious heat. 

Mulder moaned once and began to pant. "Alex, please, I need it. Oh, come on, just -- " 

Alex grabbed Mulder's left shoulder and used the leverage to push all the way home. They groaned in unison. Alex was so close to orgasm, it felt like the slightest movement would tip him over the edge. "Don't move for a second, baby, okay? Or it's all gonna be over...God, you're so hot. Are you okay? Does it hurt?" 

"I'm fine -- ohhh, I 've wanted this for so long, Alex. It feels so good. Perfect. Like it was meant to be. Like we were made for this purpose." 

"Damn, babe, you're poetic when you got a dick up your ass." 

Mulder gave a slight chuckle that made his internal muscles contract around Alex. "I think you should get used to that. I don't think I'm going to ever let you go." 

Alex's cock gave a twitch. Mulder chuckled again. "Did you like that? How 'bout this one -- I love you, Alex." 

Alex started to move. He had to, or he felt like he would explode. The sensations, the feelings, -- it was more than he could take. He felt like it was his first time instead of Mulder's. He drew back, then pressed home again. Slowly at first, then faster until the rhythm took over his brain and all he could do was howl. He was vaguely aware of Mulder's moans as they rocked together. And then he was aware of nothing but his orgasm, feeling himself letting go deep within his lover's body. 

He came back to himself draped over Mulder's trembling back. //God, that was perfect. So perfect.// 

He heard Mulder's strangely breathless voice. "Um, Alex? Could you please, uh, help me out here? Now that your hand is available, I mean." 

The words slowly filtered into his mind and lined up in order. //Help. Hand. Available. Damn.// 

Mulder continued. " 'Cause I'm a little occupied with keeping us from falling to the floor in a boneless heap, except that one of us isn't actually boneless, if you know what I mean." 

Alex's searching hand trailed down Mulder's stomach to find his still hard cock. A few strong strokes, and he felt muscles squeezing his own softening cock as Mulder screamed his name and came all over the end of the tub. 

The water was starting to cool considerably by this time, and Alex knew they had to move. He pulled out, hearing Mulder's moan echoing his own. He pulled Mulder upright and tugged on an arm to turn him for a kiss. They washed each other quickly, fumbling a bit with still-shaky hands, the washcloth feeling rough on their sensitive cocks. 

Mulder turned off the water and claimed Alex's mouth for one last, deep kiss before they got out of the tub and dried each other. 

"What now? I vote we go back to bed and see what happens." 

"Mulder, you are incredible. We're not teenagers anymore. I may need to wait a few hours before you get a repeat performance." 

Mulder gave him an evil leer. "We could just cuddle a little. Talk." 

"What are you, a woman? Ex-thugs don't cuddle. It's not in the job description. I checked." But he let himself be led to the bed and lay down next to Mulder on his left side. He draped his arm over Mulder's ribcage and sighed. 

"You really are, you know. Incredible. That was -- I don't have words. Are you sure you never did that before?" 

"Nope. Never had the opportunity." 

"I thought you said you were bi? That usually indicates that you've at least tried something like that." 

"What I said was that I've known I was bi since high school. I'm attracted to men as well as women. But the one and only time I actually got to do anything about it, it turned out that he wasn't quite as into it as I was. So it really didn't get too far. Not for lack of trying on my part, I assure you. After that, it was easier on my ego to stick to women. It didn't seem to matter as much with them if I got shot down. And then I met you. 

"And you became the gold standard in my mind. None of my previous fantasies could measure up to you. But I'd have been crazy to make a move; it would have destroyed me if you had turned me down. So I just kept dreaming of maybe someday having you right where you are now." 

Alex's arm tightened as he buried his face in Mulder's chest. "Even after --" 

"Yeah, it got a little dark there for a while in Mulderland, but it was still you. I tried not to think about it, it hurt so much, but every once in a while there you were. And then I -- " 

"What?" 

"I bought some...toys." 

Alex levered himself up on Mulder's chest, and stared at him. Thought about the way he'd said 'toys' so defensively. "You're not talking about Legos, are you? Mulder, did you buy a dildo?" 

"Yes." The usual teasing undercurrent was completely gone from Mulder's voice, and he sounded so vulnerable Alex had to reassure him. 

"I'm not laughing at you, baby. I just -- wow. So you..." 

"I pretended it was you. Sometimes. When I needed it. And I hated you for making me need you like that. So whenever I actually saw you; well, you remember, I'm sure." 

"Yeah." 

"But you never really fought back, and I just got tired of the hating. It was tearing me up inside. So when you pulled up outside Scully's apartment that night, I barely hesitated before getting into the car with you. It seemed so obvious in that moment how wrong I had been. There was still some left-over hostility there, but I was on the way out the other side." 

"Oh, God, baby, I'm so sorry. For all of it. It was killing me, too. But they --" 

"Shh, I know. We were both trapped in the situation. No regrets, remember? We're starting clean here. We can talk about it if it helps, but no more blame. It's just us, from now on. Together. Okay?" 

"Okay." But Alex's voice was doubtful until Mulder's lips found his. Sinking into his lover's arms, all his doubts faded, to be replaced by the strange feeling of completeness he had finally found. This was what he had been missing all his life. The total acceptance and // okay, say it // love he felt from Mulder made him near to tears. This was real. This was forever. 

Resting his head on Mulder's shoulder, Alex drifted in thought. Mulder's voice pulled him back. 

"Alex, were we going to Wyoming or anything? 'Cause it's after ten, and the check-out time is eleven." 

"Oh, sure, drag me back to bed and then don't even follow through. You men are all alike." 

Snerk. "We're driving through Cleveland, right? Can we make a stop at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame?" 

"I'm going to regret this, I'm sure, but why?" 

"Just before I left a report came across my desk concerning a woman who swears she saw Jerry Lee Lewis's ghost in front of the Elvis exhibit. So I was thinking maybe ..." 

"Mulder, did you pull this kind of stuff on Scully? 'Cause if you did, it amazes me how infrequently she shot you." 

"I used to take the bullets out of her gun before making this kind of suggestion." 

"Good plan." 

"So, can we? Please, please, can we?" 

"How many more of these stops are you planning?" 

"Well..." 

"Listen, Mulder, I'll give you two hours at the Hall of Fame today. Any further stops will be negotiated at a later time." 

"I can live with that. But there is one other thing I'd like to do in the next few days." 

"Oh, please God, kill me now. What?" 

"You might like this one. I was thinking maybe we could find a tattoo place. For me. Would you prefer the left or right side? And should we make it 'Alexei'? Or just 'Alex'?" 

He tried to hide his smile, and failed utterly. "Just 'Alex' is fine. You do realize it's gonna hurt like hell, right?" 

"Yeah, but you'll be there to hold my hand, right?" 

"Always. Count on it." 

"I am." 

~to be continued~ 

* * *

Another detour...another poem. Last one, I promise. 

Fleabag Motel 

Summary: Turns out Alex writes poetry when he can't sleep. Who'd have thought? 

Notes: Another offering for the poetry-lovers in the audience - Hi, SkinnerBox! IM is a wonderful thing. This is a strange little detour on the Road Trip Series. As before, most of the work is Wildy's. She lets me post it. 

If you will keep it to yourself  
I'll promise in writing that I am stuck with him -- sleeping in the middle of the rather small bed! 

I'll be up all fuckin' night 

He's a very pretty boy with an incredible mind but he can be a creep. 

Unless you love him, that is. 

I know, I went  
truly bad  
and I missed him there... 

He was already gone when I came in,  
gone, gone, gone. 

I got a lot of nasty memories  
but I couldn't let that count  
because you die anyway.  
All it takes is patience, 

but the road not taken  
wouldn't have got me here  
with him. 

Nevermind if my life is legal or not. I'm not proud. Think about being proud and having to ask for illegal help all the time when you work with a gun. 

But people don't think about that ...  
Why should they?  
And needs are traitorous...  
The world is not set up  
to accommodate my kind of -- 

what is the word I want? 

  * but I must ignore that. 



Maybe that's good, you see, it makes me ingenious... That's where the pride comes in,or should. I'm not too proud to ask for help --  
I'm too proud to need it unless I really do. 

"Do you need help scrubbing your back?" And I said no,  
then realized Mulder had really been asking "Can I take a shower with you?"  
And I couldn't just go back out and say yes But then he called me beautiful and it was -- It was. 

how did I ever get along without any of it? Like a pain that's so good  
you don't want it to stop.  
I never grokked S&M before  
but now I think I almost do. 

I can change a fuse,  
I can shoot  
and I can make explosives, 

and Mulder is in the bed-- 

flowers I can't refuse  
with a bomb in them  
I cannot defuse. 

It's powerful.  
It will take down a wall. 

See, I'm thinking I led a very sheltered life. 

* * *

Comments? Tell me all about it. 

EXTRA NOTE: Unprotected sex is a dangerous game, kids. Please remember these people are fictional. Don't be stupid with your health. And no, I don't know where Frohike got the condoms. Use the plain ones. Really. 

* * *

* * *

One Night in Stokesville...  
by Starfish  
  
http://www.mrks.org/~starfish/xfst.html 

Spoilers: Oh, come on. Mostly just the whole series...especially season 8 ::shudder:: 

Rating: G...just kidding! NC-17 is more like it. M/M sex contained herein. Sort of. You'll see. 

Disclaimer: Mine. So there. But if there really is a Stokesville, Iowa, my apologies for using your town. 

Notes: Part 5 of the Road Trip Series. If you haven't read parts 1-4, please feel free to do so now. You may be confused otherwise, I don't do much exposition. 

Thanks be to Wildy, for beta and everything. Special thanks to Ursula, for the encouragement to keep going when it got a little dark in here. 

* * *

Mulder was pouting. It wasn't a full-blown sulk yet; just the lower lip involved, a bit more pronounced than usual. And the attitude, of course. Attitude was everything in a good pout. And he was a damn artist at attitude. He decided to add a faint sigh. 

//Very nice. I always said, if you're going to do something, Fox, take the trouble to do it correctly.// 

//Shut up, old man. You're dead. And I didn't listen to you when you weren't.// 

//Yes, you did. You didn't want to listen, and the fact is you didn't often heed what I was saying, but you damn well heard every word.// 

//Oh, yeah, and look how well it all worked out -- this need you had to share your wisdom.// 

//You resort to sarcasm when you have nothing intelligent to offer. You know that, don't you, Fox?// 

"... for dinner, Mulder?" 

//Don't call me that.// 

//Do you know how incredibly, twistedly Oedipal it is for you to be doing this? We won't even go into the homosexual nature of this perversion, but you're sleeping with the person who killed your father.// 

//Alex is what you made him, Svengali. You and the other monsters you worked with. So be careful who you call a pervert. You created a weapon and it went off in your hand. That's justice.// 

//I should never have permitted you to go to Oxford.// 

//And for the record, I'm sleeping with a man who loves me, a man who saved my life; not just once, but several times over. He saved me from you, you selfish bastard.// 

"Mulder? Hey, babe?" 

He became aware that the car had stopped, and Alex was staring at him. The hand on his shoulder was warm and comforting. "What's wrong? You really zoned out on me there -- I was talking to you, and you weren't even on this planet." 

"Sorry, I was --" //Having a conversation with my dead father.// "--woolgathering." 

"I guess. It's getting late, do you want to stop for dinner?" 

"Where are we?" 

"The last roadsign said Stokesville. Looks like about 50 miles to the next town. So if you want to eat, we should do it now." 

"Fine, let's eat." 

"Looks like the immediate choices are a Chinese buffet place or a diner." 

Mulder gave his lover the ghost of a smile. "No more diners, Alex." 

"Good point. Chinese it is." He started the car and drove the 200 yards into the parking lot of "Dragon Buffet -- Al Y u an Eat s7.9 " 

* * *

Over dinner the conversation was sparse. Mulder ate mechanically, still lost in his thoughts. He had been so sure he was past all the blame and guilt that were the legacy from his father, but it seemed he would not be rid of them so easily. Because no matter what other crazy things Mulder could and would believe, he knew that the voice he had been arguing with was not his father's. He was not possessed by the spirit of Bill Mulder. The thoughts were his own. He went round and round with it, trying to convince himself to forget the whole thing. It wasn't working. 

//So why isn't it working, Mr. Profiling Genius?// 

//Because I'm stuck in a loop. I feel guilty for loving Alex, because he killed my father. And then I think about how my father treated me, and what he was part of, AND what he was doing the night he died, trying to suck me into the whole fucking conspiracy, and I feel guilty for loving my father. And...I also feel guilty because I didn't like him.// 

//Doesn't sound like he liked you too much, either.// 

//Of course he -- well.... No. I don't think he did. I think I disappointed him.// 

//Because of Sam?// 

//Because I wasn't like him. Because I wanted more than what he wanted for me.// 

//Because you were smarter than he was?// 

//Probably.// 

//Do you think he ever beat himself up like you're doing?// 

//Probably not.// 

//So who's smarter?// 

//Shut up.// 

* * *

Alex was concerned by the uncharacteristic reserve exhibited by the usually too-talkative Mulder. He tried several opening gambits, including the sure-fire "Wanna fuck, Foxy?"; but couldn't even get a "Don't call me that." from the other man. He gave a mental shrug and went back to the buffet for another scan of the dessert selections. 

When Alex returned to the table with another loaded plate, Mulder seemed to have come out of himself a bit, so he tried once more to get him talking. "So, Mulder, what was the pout for? It looked like you were heading for an all-out sulk there for a while." 

"When?" 

"In the car. Remember the car?" 

"Oh, yeah. I don't know, it was probably nothing." 

"Talk to me, Mulder. It's completely freaky for you to act like this. Since when do you pass up a chance to bitch and moan? Tell me, or I'll have to punish you. You don't want that, do you?" He was only teasing, but it suddenly occurred to him that perhaps that was something Mulder did want . Or need, which is not always the same thing. Since they had been together only three days, there was plenty he still needed to learn about the man. "Hey, you're not gonna get all kinky on me now, are you?" 

Mulder was refusing to meet his eyes, and Alex finally realized that something was really wrong. He knew how moody Mulder had been in the past, but he had hoped most of that was due to the endless brooding over his seemingly hopeless quests. Alex got up from his side of the booth and slid into the seat next to Mulder, carefully placing an arm around his shoulders. He felt Mulder freeze and then try to draw away, but the end of the booth effectively prevented escape. 

"What are you doing?" 

"You really look like you need a hug, babe. I know I said thugs don't cuddle, but I'm making an exception for you." 

"Alex, people are looking at us. Don't you care?" 

"I care about you, that's all. Why should I care what a bunch of strangers think? Besides, most of them are probably jealous that I get to do this and they don't." 

That got him a dry chuckle. "I doubt it." 

"Fishing for compliments again, are we? Oh, very well, let's see...your eyes are like -- hmm, nope. I got nothin'." 

"Cut it out, Alex. I'm not looking for compliments. I just don't want us to get beat up in the parking lot." 

"Mulder, you are the only one I'd ever let beat me up. I think between the two of us, we could take care of any small-town hayseeds who want to start something. And since I don't see anybody who even slightly resembles a threat in this restaurant, even that excuse won't wash. Now either you start talking or..." 

"Or what?" 

Alex sighed. "I don't know. Maybe I don't have the right to ask you for this. It's not like I own you or anything. I just want to help. It seems like you're hurting right now, and it hurts me to see that. But I can't force you to share this if you don't want to." He gave Mulder a brief kiss on the temple and moved back to his own side of the table. 

Mulder looked at the face across the table from him. In the eyes, he saw the love he felt reflected back and magnified. But he couldn't stop the words that came out of his mouth. "Good at the guilt-trip, aren't you?" 

"Is that what you think this is? Jesus, I thought I was the one who didn't know how to do relationships. Any guilt trip you're feeling is your own. So let's talk about that, shall we? I can play amateur psychologist. What are you feeling guilty about, Fox?" 

"Don't call me that." 

Alex blinked at the hoslility in Mulder's voice. "Okay, sorry, I thought we were past that one." 

"Oh shit, Alex, I'm sorry. That just -- that was a leftover from earlier, when I --you're going to think I'm nuts if I tell you this." 

"Mulder, it's me. I already know how nuts you are. Notice how I'm still around?" 

"Yeah, well this is a different kind of nuts. This involves my father. He talks to me. In my head." 

"And?" 

"Isn't that enough? I have conversations with a dead man in my own head, and you don't think that's odd?" 

"Hell, no, everybody does stuff like that. Well, maybe not everybody. But there's a little voice in my head, too. Tells me what an idiot I am, most of the time. You get used to it." 

"Alex, I'm serious. I keep hearing his voice...like it's really him. We never had a very good relationship, but after Sam...well, he was never outright abusive. He would just say things, really cutting, sarcastic things...." 

"And you don't call that abuse? Mulder, I didn't have a fairy-tale childhood, but I was at least secure in the knowledge that my mother loved me, because she showed me, and told me, every day." 

"All right, fine, it was abuse. And he's still doing it. Only it's not him, it's me. I know it's me." 

Alex was silent for a moment. They were in dangerous territory here. The fact that Mulder would never get the chance to work things out with his father was due in large part to him, and they both knew it. He had a bad feeling about the next question, but he had to ask it. 

"Do you think it's because you're with me? I mean, because of -- what happened?" 

"You mean if he wasn't dead would everything be peachy-keen? I don't know, Alex. I kind of doubt it. I'm pretty sure he would have objected to my having an affair with any man. He was a bit of a prude." 

"But you just said you know it's not him. So it's you who's objecting." 

"No! At least, ... no. Alex, I love you. I don't have any represssed homophobia to deal with, trust me." He sighed. "I think it's that I feel like I should feel guilty. I'm sleeping with the man who killed my father. But when you did that it saved me from his arrogance. You did it because you had no choice. And I can forgive you for it so easily now, because I know when you did it, you cared about me. Probably more than he did, when you get right down to it. So basically, I feel guilty for not caring more about how he died, because I know it was his own doing. And I feel really fucked up about it. Now aren't you glad you asked?" 

"Let's find a nice motel, babe. You need to get some sleep. We're going to work through this thing, I promise." 

Mulder gave Alex a bleak smile. "Did you ever think you would be the stable one in this relationship?" 

"Well, if I had given it any real thought, I wouldn't have put money on either one of us. But you're not going off the deep end here. This is a minor thing." //I hope.// 

* * *

Alex found them a motel that featured in-room jacuzzis and got them checked in. He filled the tub, and carefully undressed Mulder, who seemed to be almost sleepwalking. "Come on, baby, into the tub, there you go." Alex quickly undressed himself and climbed in behind his lover, pulling Mulder back to lie on top of his chest. Encircling the older man with his arm, he pressed kisses into the hair at the base of Mulder's neck. "Mulder, I want to tell you about why I got my tattoo. It's important that you know about this, baby. Are you listening?" 

"Yeah, Alex, I'm listening." 

"Okay, I'm gonna tell you a story now. Once upon a time, there was an idealistic young man who fell in love with someone he could never have." Alex felt Mulder snuggle down against him. "Okay, well, due to some fairly horrific circumstances and some really bad decisions, the young man made the object of his affections hate him. He grew to accept this situation, asking only for the opportunity to occasionally see his love, if only to make sure that all was well with him. And then one terrible night, he learned that his love had taken his own life, had shot himself, presumably in despair over the futility of his quest. The young man was devastated, thinking of how he might have contributed to his love's despair, and he nearly killed himself as well. But he realized that it would be more fitting if he lived with the pain and continued his work on the cause his love had abandoned, in his memory. And as a reminder to himself of who he now belonged to, he had his love's name engraved upon himself forever." 

Mulder's hand came up to clutch Alex's as it lay across his chest. "That's a very sad story. Does it have a happy ending?" 

"Oh, I'm getting to that. It turned out that the young man's love was not dead after all, had merely pretended to be in order to flush out an enemy. The young man was very happy when he heard the news, because he felt as though he had been given a second chance to make things right somehow. And after many adventures, the somewhat older young man found himself working side by side with his love once more, the hatred of the past dulled to wariness, and he grew to hope again. And then one incredible night, the young man found out that the feelings he had were reciprocated... And they lived happily ever after." 

"Well, not yet they haven't. Somebody's still pretty fucked up." 

"Mulder, talk to me. Tell me what's really going on." 

"That night? When I ...I think I was really going to do it. Kill myself, I mean. It all just seemed so hopeless, I couldn't see a way out. Sam was still gone, after all that time I had been looking for her, and I had found nothing. I felt like the worst failure of all time. I had nothing in my life that meant anything to me." 

"Scully?" 

"She was dying of cancer, Alex! And that was my fault too. I couldn't face watching it happen. So then I knew I was a coward, as well as a failure. Everyone I cared about left me, Alex. Even you." 

"Oh, babe..." Alex pressed his face into Mulder's hair. "I'm so sorry it had to happen that way. I'd give anything to go back to that table in the cafe, look right at Spender's face, and tell him to fuck off." 

"And we never would have met." 

"I don't believe that for a minute. I think that we were meant to be together." 

"You're getting dangerously sappy for a thug." 

"Ex-thug, thank you very much. And I have a perfect right to be sappy. Here I am, in a jacuzzi, with a naked man draped over me. This is exactly what I asked for last Christmas." 

"I'm not draped, I'm reclining." 

"Semantics, Mulder. And don't try to distract me. We were doing some serious talking there. It was good." 

"Yeah. I'm not used to talking about this stuff. It never seemed like anybody cared enough to hear it." 

"Oh, my lisitsa, that's the trouble with you. You don't ever think anyone cares about you. A lot of people do, you know. I just wish I could make you see that. I think that's the moral of my story." 

"I think I'm starting to see it. Don't give up on me, Alex. Keep nagging at me, I need you to." 

"Wait, let me go get a tape recorder. I'm gonna want proof you said that someday." 

"I'll deny it all...Alex?" 

"Hmm?" 

"Can we go to bed now?" 

"I'm sorry, babe, you must be so tired. Come on, let's get you dried off." Alex flicked the stopper with his toe, and the water began to drain as they manuevered themselves upright and got out of the tub. Alex grabbed a towel from the pile on the counter, but before he could use it, Mulder took it from him and began to dry Alex's chest with it. He worked his way down to the prize he knew would be waiting for him, and knelt to take it into his mouth. 

"Ahhh, God, babe, I - " 

"Alex..." Nibble. 

"Wha- hm - what, babe?" 

"I'm not really tired." Slow lick up the inside of his thigh. 

"N-no?" 

"Not a bit." Other thigh this time. 

"But you still wanna go to bed, right?" 

"Absolutely." Tongue in navel, fluttering. 

"Now?" 

"What's your rush?" 

And the mouth was on him again, engulfing him, cutting off the supply of oxygen to his brain somehow, so that he couldn't move, couldn't speak, could only feel. He looked down at the man kneeling before him. 

//You know this is backwards, don't you? You should be on your knees in front of him, thanking him and God for letting you be anywhere close to him. Why are you letting him do this?// 

//Because he wants to. It was his idea.// 

//He's punishing himself. That's all it is. This is more guilt.// 

//Shut up. That's not it. He loves me.// 

But the doubt was there. He had to know. "Mulder, stop." He put his hand on the head before him and moved it away. Dropped to his knees beside his lover. "Why are you doing this?" 

"Because I assumed you'd like it. I know I haven't had much practice, but --" 

"No, that's not what I meant. Let's get in bed, okay? I don't think we're done talking yet." 

"Damn, I was really hoping we were." 

"Come on, there's a good boy." Alex held back the covers on one side of the waterbed and Mulder got in. 

"Cut it out, Alex. I don't need to be tucked in. Possibly I need to be fucked, but..." 

"Mulder. This is really important." 

"Okay, sorry, I thought we had a little momentum going there." 

"My turn to talk now. Shush. And stop pouting." Alex went around to the other side of the bed and crawled in, scooting over to lie next to Mulder. He pressed a kiss to the shoulder next to him, and then put his head down on it. Mulder's arms encircled him, and it gave him the strength to say what he needed to. 

"This isn't going to be easy, Mulder. But with what we were talking about earlier, I kind of have to know...why did you do that? And don't get all hurt thinking I didn't like it, because it was incredible. But it's - I just - I feel like maybe you're trying to punish yourself by doing that. Which makes it like you're using me, somehow." 

"What in the hell are you talking about? How is that punishment? Alex, never in my life has anything felt so right as the first time I had your cock in my mouth. I mean, all those movies I used to watch, every time I saw someone doing that, I would think about you. Long before it ever got to the bad times between us, Alex. I love the way you taste. I love when I feel you growing even harder and I know it's because of me. I love the noises you make just before you come. And I love the feeling of trust and commitment I have with you. There's no reason for either one of us to feel used. Now where did all that punishment crap come from?" 

"I don't know, I guess I was being stupid. I just can't..." 

"What?" 

It all came out in a rush. "Deep down inside me, there's something that says you can't possibly want this as much as I do." 

"Oh, God, Alex, if anything I want it more. I want so much from you. Everything you are. It scares me a little how much I need you. It's happened so fast, and I don't know where it's going. But I know how it makes me feel when you're inside me, or when I'm inside you. It makes me feel like I've finally come home. Like it's safe and nothing will ever hurt me again. I'll let you in on a little secret. There haven't been all that many people in my life I've been able to say 'I love you' to. It's really changed me. 

"Well, that and the little matter of coming back from the dead. You know, I think you were the only person who just treated me normally after I was returned. I never got the feeling you wanted to poke into my head about what it felt like. All that time I spent on the X-Files, and then suddenly I became one, and you were just -- there." 

"Mulder, how much of what went on do you know?" 

"I know you threatened Skinner...I know you made him choose between me and the baby. I can only assume that you knew exactly what he would do." 

"Yeah, I almost always know which way Walter'll jump when I push him." 

"I also know you and Doggett had quite an interesting first meeting." 

"He pissed me off. Kersch's little goody-two-shoes." 

"Come on, Alex. You have to admit he's come through pretty well, though." 

"Whatever. This isn't what we needed to talk about. You're doing it again, Mulder. My point was that all those people were there, risking a hell of a lot, and it was all for you. Don't discount that just because they're curious about your experiences. I seriously doubt that Scully was treating you like an X-File." 

"But still --" Alex put his hand over Mulder's mouth. 

"AND the reason I wasn't trying to get inside your head -- don't give me too much credit for that. Quite frankly, I've had all the contact with aliens I want for one lifetime. Now, repeat after me: I'm good enough, I'm strong enough, and gosh-darn it, people like me." 

"I love you, Alex." 

"Close enough. I love you too, babe. Now, I believe I interrupted you a while ago...I hope we can remember what it was we were doing." 

"Same thing we do every night, Pinky." 

"Oh, so you're bored with me already?" 

"Never in a million years, Alex." 

"I'll hold you to that, you know." 

"I'm counting on it. Hey, something seems to be poking me. I wonder what it could be...oh, my goodness. Alex, it's you. I don't think you'll be able to sleep like that. It looks very uncomfortable." 

"Mulder, shut up and kiss me....I actually meant on the mouth, but...ohhhhhh...okay, I guess you know what you're doing." Alex's eyes rolled back in his head as Mulder demonstrated that yes, indeed, he did know what he was doing. 

Alex came back down to earth several minutes later to see Mulder's grin staring up at him from the vicinity of his stomach. 

"My turn now?" 

"Your turn for what? I'm going to sleep -- ow! I was JOKING, Mulder. Let go!" 

Mulder loosened his grip on Alex's left ear and snuggled up beside him. Alex turned on his side and draped his arm over Mulder's back, holding him loosely. "Baby? What would you like, hmm?" 

"Anything you want to do is fine with me, Alex. Right now you could probably make me come just by talking to me." 

"Oh, that does sound intriguing...what would do it, I wonder...Well, I could tell you how beautiful you look when you're waiting for me in bed...how all I want to do is possess you, body and soul..." Alex got a wicked grin on his face. 

"Let's set the scene...first I'd tell you that you couldn't move. I'd start by slowly licking your ears, just swirling my tongue around inside...and then I might give you a little bite on the neck - mark you as mine. Then I'd kiss you, of course, a really long kiss until neither of us could breathe...maybe I'd suck on your lower lip a little. I really am fond of your mouth, babe. I love what you do to me with it; even when we're just driving down the road I look at your mouth and I start to think about sex..." 

"Alex, this is really making me hot," Mulder said breathlessly. 

"Sssh, I'm not done yet, babe. I think I'd probably kiss you again, and then I'd have to move down to your chest. It's a very nice chest, Mulder. Remember that day at the pool? It was all I could do to remember why I was there, when I saw you in that skimpy excuse for a bathing suit. I could barely take my eyes off your chest that day. I was imagining how it would feel next to mine, just a little slippery with sweat as we lay together...and then I looked a little lower...I can't believe you wear that thing in public. I could see every inch of your beautiful cock outlined...were you getting hard for me then, baby? I bet you were. But I was talking about your chest, wasn't I..." 

Mulder whimpered. "Touch me, Alex. Please." 

"No, no, that's not gonna happen right now. And don't you touch yourself, either. You said I could do whatever I wanted. This whole thing was your idea. So you just lay there and enjoy it. You ARE enjoying it, aren't you, baby?" 

"Yes, but..." 

"Don't sound so surly. Now where were we...ah, your chest...I think I'd like to suck your nipples for a while first. I could go back and forth between them, make them really hard for me, and then bite down just a little, just enough to make you moan. I like to make you moan for me, Mulder. Hmm...moving down now...oh, baby, you're so hard now, aren't you? I can see how bad you want me...are you almost there, baby? I think you are, I think if I touched you right now it would be all over. Do you want it to be over, Mulder?" 

"Please, Alex, I'm begging you..." 

"Oh, God, you are so hot. What if I just do this..." Alex's hand drifted down over Mulder's back and slowly grazed over Mulder's ass. "All right, Mulder, now imagine that I'm kissing my way down your chest, very slowly, inch by inch. Almost to your waist now..." Alex's fingers teased along the base of Mulder's spine. His voice got lower, until he was almost whispering, staring all the while into his lover's eyes. "My mouth is almost on your cock now, baby. Can you feel it? I can just lick the tip now, taste the salt from your body...now my mouth is closing over the head, my tongue swirling around like it's an ice cream cone - you taste so good, baby. So good, and I'm taking it all now, all the way to the base, you're so ready, I can feel it, come for me now, baby, do it..." 

And with a groan, Mulder did. He lay there, panting and laughing, dazed from the force of his orgasm. 

"I can't believe you did that." 

"Never challenge me, Mulder. Remember that." 

"Like I could ever forget it. You are so incredible, Alex." 

"Thank you, sir. Grab that towel and clean us up, would you? I need sleep if I'm gonna be up to anything tomorrow. " 

"You know, Alex, if you're feeling tired, I could do some of the driving..." 

"In your dreams, Mulder." 

Hurt silence... 

"Baby?" 

"Hmmm?" 

"We'll see." 

"Really?" 

"That's a 'maybe', not a 'yes'." 

"Close enough. Good night, lover." 

//Oh, damn, what did I just get myself into...// 

~to be continued~ 

* * *

Comments? Tell me all about it. 

* * *

* * *

...And the Next Morning  
by Starfish  
  
http://www.mrks.org/~starfish/xfst.html Rating: R (Implied m/m interaction...)  
Spoilers: Yup. It's possible. 

Disclaimer: Nope. Maybe I'll sue him...severe mental angush and all that... 

Notes: Part 6 of the series. What can I say, I've created a monster. This is more silliness, written at warp speed. It's way short, just because. Partly beta'd by Wildy, partly not beta'd at all. 

* * *

//What the hell is that noise? Oh. Phone. Which one? Aha.// 

" 'lo?" 

"Mulder, it's me. Did I wake you?" 

/Shit shit shit...Wrong phone, stupid.// "Hang on..." Alex rolled over and looked. No Mulder. Got up and padded to the open bathroom door, just to check. No Mulder. Checked the corner where their clothes had ended up last night. Only his shoes were there. //Fuck me, now what?// He deepened his voice even more than its usual husky just-got-out-of-bed timbre, and said into the phone "Mulder's not here. I think he went running." 

"Who is this?" 

"Can I take a message?" 

"Yeah, sure, tell him Dana Scully called." 

"Okay." He gratefully hung up the phone and flopped back down on the bed, his arm over his face. // That was almost the stupidest thing you ever did, Alex. Why don't you just take out an ad in the New York Times - "Suspected Triple Agent Back From The Dead...found shacked up with former FBI agent." Actually, that sounds more like the Weekly World News...// 

The door to the room opened, interrupting his distracted musings. Mulder bounced in, back from his morning run. "Good morning, sunshine! I'm going to jump in the shower." 

//How can anyone be that cheerful in the morning? Wait, how can Mulder be that cheerful in the morning? Oh, God, I told him he could drive. I'm not ready for this...// Alex's mind whirled as he tried to find a solution to either one of the problems he faced. 

* * *

Mulder was out of the shower in record time. "I was hoping you might join me, lover," he said, leering suggestively as he crawled over Alex's long form, still lying diagonally across the bed. He nudged Alex's arm out of the way and gave him a very thorough, very sloppy good-morning kiss. His hands were travelling south when Alex grabbed the left one and stopped him. 

"We may have a problem, Mulder. Your phone rang while you were out. I thought it was mine and I answered it." 

Mulder froze. "Oh, God. Scully." He buried his head for a moment in Alex's neck. 

"Uh huh. I don't think she recognized my voice. I told her you'd call back when you got in." 

"Well, she was bound to find out sometime, right? She's going to kill me for not telling her sooner." 

"Mulder, you do remember that people are under the impression that I'm dead, right? And that I'm thoroughly enjoying that fact? And that your ex-partner's lover is the one who --" 

"Alex, please don't say it. Yes, I remember all that. I wasn't going to tell her about you, okay? Have some faith in me. I just meant I should have told her a long time ago that I was bi. But it never seemed - appropriate, somehow. And then she would have wondered why I never actually dated men, or God forbid, she might have tried to set me up..." 

"So what are you going to tell her?" 

"As much of the truth as I can. Does ANYBODY besides Langly and Deb know the last name you were born with?" 

"Not as far as I know. Well, Spender did, but I'm not too worried about him at this point. I should just leave, Mulder. This is -" 

"Alex, it's under control, I promise. You're not going anywhere without me, ever again. Got it?" 

He punched the speed dial for her cell, and it was answered on the first ring. He lay back against the pillows and pulled Alex over to rest on top of him, keeping one arm firmly around his shoulders. 

"Scully, it's me." 

"Mulder, what the hell is going on? Who was that who just answered your phone?" 

"Hi, Dana. I'm fine, how are you?" 

"No, Mulder, answer my question. Why did a strange man answer your phone at 8 a.m.?" 

"He's not so strange." 

"Mulder!" 

"Sorry. I guess he is a bit strange -- OW!" 

"Mulder, what's wrong?" 

"He bit me!" 

"Who did?" 

"Scully, hang on for a second, okay?" Mulder put his hand over the end of the cell phone as best he could and kicked Alex gently. "Cut it out!" 

"Dana? Yeah, sorry about that." 

"Mulder, could you possibly explain this to me please?" 

"Explain what?" 

"For the third time, why did some other man answer your phone?" 

"Well, he probably thought it was his. They look just alike, you see, and they were both on the nightstand, so when it rang, well, you get the idea." 

"MULDER! What. Was. A. Man. Doing. In. Your. Bed? And if you say sleeping, I will find you and kill you. Slowly." 

"Would this be a good time to tell you that I'm bisexual?" 

"Uh -- wow. So...when.... Hunh. How long has this been going on?" 

"In theory, a long time. In practice - hmm, what's today?" 

"Mulderrrr..." 

"Danaaaa..." 

"Okay, I'll play along. Today is Tuesday." 

"Okay, so since Saturday night...is that three days? Or two? Three nights anyway." 

"Mulder, you are making me crazy here. Are you serious?" 

"Absolutely." 

"I need another cup of coffee. I'm just not ready for this. And when exactly were you going to tell me?" 

"I thought maybe it could wait until I saw you again. I don't usually fill you in on the details of my love-life." 

"That's because you don't have one." 

"Do now." 

"Evidently. And I don't want the details filled in, either. Just - how did this happen? Last I knew you were doing a favor for Langly." 

"Right, well, Alex is a very old, very good friend of Langly's." 

"Alex? Alex what?" 

"Davidson." 

"Not - " 

"Scully, Alex Krycek is dead. Other people are named Alex. It's just one of those things." 

"So if I call Langly and ask him about his friend Alex Davidson..." 

"Jeez, Dana, I'm hurt that you don't believe me. Why would I lie to you? But feel free, call Langly and ask him." 

"No, I'm sorry Mulder, it's none of my business. Just be careful, okay?" 

"I'm always careful." 

"You're hardly EVER careful, Mulder. I'm a little worried about you -- sleeping with someone you barely know." 

"Yeah, like you never did that." 

"You swore you weren't ever going to mention that." 

"At least I didn't go out and get a...Scully, can I call you back later? I just remembered something very important I have to do today." 

"Sure, Mulder, I guess so." 

"Great. Talk to you later, bye!" 

Mulder sat up. "I just had the most scathingly brilliant idea. Get dressed." 

"Mulder, I've seen that movie. I'm not sure if I want to go along with this." 

"Hang on, let me just make a phone call...where's the phone book...okay, here we go... restaurants... roofing... sailboats... sailboats? In Iowa? Anyway...tanning...aha!" He dialed and waited for an answer. "Hi. What are your hours? Really? Do I need an appointment? No, nothing too complicated. Okay, we can be there in ten minutes. Great! Thanks." He turned to look at Alex, still lying on the bed. "Come on -- get dressed. " 

"Are you going to tell me where we're going?" 

"We're going back the way we came about 3 miles. I saw it when we drove here." 

"More vague clues, please. Or - and here's a thought - you could just fucking TELL ME." 

"I like playing with your mind too much. Okay, if you're not going to get out of bed, roll over." 

"I thought we were going out." But Alex did as he was told with a smile. Mulder seemed to be completely back to normal -- well, as normal as he ever got. 

He felt warm breath on his back, and then a kiss at the base of his spine. Then a tongue tracing the letters L-I-S-A on his ass. "Baby? What's this about?" 

"I want mine, Alex. It's my turn, to show that I belong to you. Come with me and hold my hand. I've been told it hurts like hell." 

"Are you serious?" 

"If you're not dressed in two minutes you're going naked." 

"We don't have time to finish what you started, huh?" 

"Save it for after, lover. Come on, up! And leave the hardware in the trunk, okay?" 

"All of it?" 

Sigh. "Okay, you can wear the ankle holster. But that's it." 

"Jesus, I might as well BE naked..." 

The tattoo parlor, when they arrived, was bright with neon and fluorescent lighting. Alex noted with approval the health certificates prominently displayed, and glanced at the various designs covering the walls. Mulder went to the counter and spoke briefly to the girl sitting there, then approached Alex as he browsed. 

"See anything you like?" 

"No thanks, babe. Once was enough for me." 

"Alex, could you show this nice lady yours, please? I want her to match the style of lettering." 

//Only Mulder could get me to drop trou in a public place for a complete stranger just so she can admire the artwork.// 

"Is there somewhere a little more private we could do this? I'm Alex, by the way. I always like to be introduced to people before I let them see my ass." 

The girl giggled, and held out her hand. "I'm Lisa, " she said, and looked confused when both men laughed. "What's so funny?" 

"Let's go take a look at his ass and I think you'll see," said Mulder. 

She shrugged and steered them toward the back of the shop. There were several booths there, partitioned with curtains, and they entered the first one. Alex sighed, and undid his belt and his jeans. "I just want you both to know that I feel fairly ridiculous." 

Mulder smirked. "Don't worry, I'll have mine down too in a few minutes. Bend over like a good boy, Alex." 

"Oh, the times I've longed to hear you say that...ow!" He rubbed his butt where Mulder had smacked it. "I am so not into the pain thing, babe. Don't even think about it." 

"Just cooperate, then. Stop being such a smart-mouth." Mulder lowered Alex's jeans and raised the tails of his shirt so that the tattoo could be seen. Lisa looked at it and giggled again. 

"I thought you said it was YOUR name," she said to Mulder. "But unless your parents had a very strange sense of humor..." 

Alex sighed. "It's Russian for 'fox', which IS his name. I was drunk. It's a long story. Can I stand up now?" 

Lisa was all business now. "One second, I just want to get some measurements. Did you want it black like his, Fox, or maybe red?" 

"Red is good." 

"Okay. I'll need a few minutes to make the transfer, so feel free to look around at the art." 

She went off with her measurements, and Alex straightened up and refastened his pants. He looked around for Mulder, who had followed Lisa back into the main room and discovered a glass case filled with various kinds of jewelry. As Alex walked over, Mulder pointed at a ring which was much too large to be intended for an ear. 

"Look at this, Alex! Think I should get something pierced while we're here?" 

"I am seriously doubting your sanity now. NO, I do not think you should get anything pierced. Let's just let the tattoo sink in for a few days and see how that goes, hmm?" 

"Spoilsport." 

"Mulder, have you always been like this?" 

"Like what?" 

"I don't know, so -- wild and freaky." 

"Alex, you have no idea. I feel so free now that we're together, like I can do anything." 

"So once again I am the voice of reason." 

"Surely you're not going to let my quirky sense of humor drive you away?" 

"No, I'm beginning to enjoy it. It's just a little unexpected at times. Last night you were so depressed I had to pour you into the tub, and now you're on top of the world." 

"Well, after you got me into the tub and told me that charming story, I realized just how much you love me." 

"Ah." 

"And I realized that anything that hurts me, also hurts you. And since I love you, I don't want to hurt you. Therefore, I need to stop beating myself up about the past." 

"Instant therapy, just add water. So, Mulder, are you going to freak out again if I kiss you in public?" 

"Do you mean here, or in the middle of Wal-Mart?" 

"Here." 

"Here I can deal with." 

"Okay but -- when was the last time you were in a Wal-Mart?" 

"Hey, I thought you were gonna kiss me." 

Alex stepped closer and cupped Mulder's chin in his hand. "Oh, have no fear, I am." He leaned in and softly claimed his lover's mouth. His hand slipped down to clutch the fabric of Mulder's shirt as the kiss deepened. 

"Ahem...Guys? We can start now, if you're ready." 

Slowly their mouths disengaged. Alex turned and gave Lisa a boyish grin. "Sorry, I just can't help myself sometimes." 

She smiled. "It's okay. But come on back here now. I have to get started or we'll be here all day." 

"Oh, Alex, we don't want that, do we? I have big plans for you later." Mulder followed her back to the cubicle they had been in earlier, dragging Alex along by grabbing the front waistband of his jeans. 

"Will you please behave? We're gonna get kicked out of here." 

"Don't worry about it, Alex. I see this a lot. Some people get a little crazy when they get their first tat. Just wait 'til the rush hits him." Lisa was adjusting what looked like a dentist's chair while Mulder unbuttoned his jeans excitedly. 

"Should I take them all the way off?" 

"No, not unless you really want to. Just push them down far enough and lie down. Make sure you're comfortable, you can't move while I'm working." 

Alex helped Mulder arrange himself and made sure the jeans weren't bunched uncomfortably. He went and got himself a chair. "Where do you want me to be, babe?" he asked quietly. 

"Right next to my head, so I can see you." 

Lisa was putting on surgical gloves. "Okay, Fox, first step is I have to shave the area where we're going to be working. Right or left side?" 

"Left, just like his." 

"All right. This is the part that doesn't hurt. Enjoy it while it lasts." 

She carefully shaved a large rectangle. "Now this will be cold. Take a deep breath." She swabbed the area with an alcohol wipe. 

"Hey!" 

"I told you. This is only the beginning, Fox. I am telling you right now, it gets worse. The time to back out is now. Are you okay?" 

"Yes, I really want to do this. It means a lot to me. Just go ahead. If the pain is too much to bear, I'm sure Alex can find me a bullet to bite on." 

"Sorry, Tex, I left all the guns back on our horses at the livery stable." 

"Well, gol-dang it, that was dumb." 

"Just keep talking, babe. I think it's about to get interesting." 

Lisa had applied the transfer of Alex's name onto the shaved area, and was loading the needle gun with dye. "Here we go. If you need me to stop, just say so. But it's better to keep going and just get through it." 

Mulder stiffened as the needles bit into the skin. Alex grabbed his hand. 

"Here, squeeze as hard as you want to. Just don't break it, or you'll be very sorry." 

Mulder's voice was breathless. "No, I'm okay. It's kind of a constant pain, as long as I know it doesn't get worse, I can do this." 

"Okay, babe. Hey, tell me the story about the genie again. I like that one. Especially the part where you were yelling at her in Skinner's office and she disappeared." 

"Are you just trying to distract me? Because two nights ago you fell asleep in the middle of that story." 

"Hell, yes, I'm trying to distract you." 

"Well, you could kiss me again. I can't put up much of a fight." 

"This is true. Why don't we try that? I've got you all helpless, bwahaha. Just don't start squirming around." 

"You talk too much." 

Alex leaned over and softly but thoroughly kissed his man. "I still can't believe you're doing this, babe." 

"I told you I wanted one. In fact, I think I needed it." 

"Just please don't go showing it off to passing strangers, okay?" 

"I promise." 

"You're doing great, Fox. I'm done with the outline. Now we have to fill in the color. This one hurts a little more." 

"Oh, God. Owowowow. Okay. Okay. Shit. Ow." 

"Mulder, you know I love you, right? So don't take this the wrong way, but that's the only hand I've got and it's going numb. So if you could just ease off a little, I'd really appreciate it." 

"Sorry, Alex." 

" 'S okay." 

"Somebody distract me again, though, or I'm gonna scream like a little girl." 

"Just take some deep breaths, Fox. That usually helps. So how long have you two been together?" 

"Let's see, babe, we met in August of '94, right?" 

"Three days." 

"Seems to be a difference of opinion here. I'm pretty sure Alex's tattoo is quite a bit older than three days, though." 

"We've known each other since '94. We just weren't 'together' until recently. And my tattoo was done about three years ago." 

"Sounds like an interesting relationship." 

"Yeah, he was hot for me for a long time. It was kind of a hero-worship thing." 

"Shut up! You wanted me from the first second you saw me." 

"Yeah, well you've been in love with me since the Duane Barry incident." 

"How did you -- shit. She blabbed, didn't she? Wait until I get back there. And -- hey! That means you already knew that first night. And here I thought you were just as nervous as I was." 

"Alex, I knew how you felt about me then, not how you felt about me after all the shit that happened in between. For all I knew, you were just feeling sorry for me, trying to help me get back on my feet before you shipped me back to DC. I hadn't exactly treated you very well. And if Deb hadn't told me, we probably wouldn't be here right now. I would never have had the guts to speak up." 

"Well, I guess I'll have to send her a thank you note." 

"Maybe some flowers." 

"And we should definitely invite her to the wedding." //Oh you did NOT just say that.// 

"Alex?" 

"Sorry, that was just -- " // A really fucking stupid thing to say.// Alex tried to get up and escape the awkward situation his mouth had put him in, but Mulder was still gripping his hand. He looked around the room for inspiration, then back at Mulder's face. What he saw there totally surprised him. Mulder was grinning like the Cheshire Cat. 

"Come here, Alex. Right over here next to me." 

Alex sat back down and leaned closer. Carefully, Mulder moved his head to kiss him. When he drew back, he said "I accept." 

"What?" 

"Well, we can't really make it legal unless you want to backtrack and go to Vermont, but -- exactly what did you think it meant for me to get your name put on my body? It's a committment, Alex. I'm saying 'Forever. Til death us do part.' " 

"Oh, my God. Are you serious?" 

"You keep asking me that. Do you see anything here that might lead you to believe that I'm joking?" 

"No...so what now? White picket fence, dog in the yard, 2.3 kids?" 

"Nah, that's Scully's idea of marriage, not mine. What's wrong with what we're doing? We'll just call it our honeymoon. And we'll discuss more about that later." 

"You guys do still realize you have an audience here, right?" 

"I'm counting on you to be my witness. He asked, I accepted." 

"Good, 'cause it was going to be tough for me to pretend I wasn't listening to all that. But the good news is, we're done." 

"Really? Can I see it?" 

"Let me get the mirror." 

"Oh, God, babe, it's beautiful. Damn." 

"Alex, do NOT touch that. Hands off. It needs to heal for a few days." 

"Sorry." 

Lisa held up the mirror so Mulder could see the finished result. "Fox, can you see it okay?" 

"Hey, it's backwards!" 

"Mulder, behave yourself." 

"Sorry, Lisa, it looks fantastic." 

"Okay, I'm going to put a bandage on it. Try to keep it dry for three days or so, do NOT scratch it, and if you have any problems, give me a call." 

Lisa quickly finished up and Mulder awkwardly fished in his pocket for his wallet. He gave her his credit card to process and she left. As soon as she was gone, he turned over and sat up. 

"Alex, I have a situation here." 

"Oh, wow, babe, I'd definitely call that a situation. Perhaps even a predicament." 

"Care to do anything about it?" 

"Try and stop me. Just let me pull the curtain, and no screaming, okay? I think we've given Lisa quite enough of a show for one day." 

"No promises on the screaming. I feel like I could fly to the moon right now." 

"Let's see if you can, then, hmm?" 

It turned out that he could. 

"Alex?" 

"Yeah, babe?" 

"I like Stokesville. Maybe we can come back here for our anniversary sometime." 

"Absolutely." 

-end- 

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